


Cold As Hell

by ninjakitty15



Series: Immortal Peril [2]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Loki - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Crazy Ex Girlfriend, Demonic Possession, F/F, F/M, Hellhounds, Necromancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2021-01-31 15:10:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 40,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21448243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninjakitty15/pseuds/ninjakitty15
Summary: Seemingly content with their new life by the shores of Salem, Nell and Loki think things have calmed down since they eradicated or scared off Hydra from going after them. Of course things never stay normal for long in Salem, especially when the demi-god duo move into town, attracting the attention of someone obsessed with collecting old, powerful things and the worst resources to get them. Dark magic always attracts the darkest of magic wielders after all.
Relationships: Loki (Marvel) & Original Female Character(s), Loki (Marvel)/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Immortal Peril [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1497122
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	1. The Other White Meat

"Oh look, another glorious morning...makes me sick," I grumbled next to Loki as we ate outside our favorite seafood restaurant by the shore.

"You sure it's not that your favorite time of year isn't coming up fast enough for you?" Loki cooed back teasingly.

"Don't remind me." I pulled a claw from my ridiculously expensive lobster and snapped off the lower part aggressively.

"What's that Midgardian saying again? Patience is a virtue?" he mused.

I snorted and pulled out the meaty bits of my prey, hastily dunking it in melted butter before slurping it down. "Do I look like a saint to you?"

"You look like an angel of death to me."

I scowled at his answer. "You're just biased."

"Can you blame me?" he asked innocently.

"I could but I don't know how well that would sit in court."

"Any court here wouldn't need much to sentence me, you can be sure of that," he noted dryly.

"Aw hun," I patted his cheek teasingly. "But you make being bad look so good."

"Only for you," he purred.

"Good, no one else matters anyway." I ripped open the tail part with my bare hands and sucked out the meat hungrily, foregoing the butter.

Loki watched me in amusement. "I do wonder how you'd fair on my home planet sometimes. A magic wielder that eats like a warrior currently, would you fit in or be banished like me?"

"Banishment most likely, I hate all forms of authority, gods included. Your-Odin sounded like a shit father figure and if he can't even father his own offspring right, how the hell can he lead a planet?"

"He couldn't, considering it no longer exists because he once again waited till the last possible second before warning us of what was to come and instead of having his favorite son prepare his people and himself for Hela, he sent him off to find the stones which didn't happen either. So much time wasted on nothing productive that could've help the people if not the planet."

"Thor told me you ruled the planet for a while, what kinda king were you like?"

"As great a king as I could be in pretending to be Odin and not being found out. What's with the sudden curiosity about my past?" he snatched the other claw from my lobster and was only so lucky I already tossed the shell away or he'd be hit with it.

"You know almost as much as I do about mine, seems only fair now. Also I'm kinda sorta day dreaming about being royalty with you...maybe."

"Oh?" that had his attention. "What kind of fantasies? Do tell."

I leaned over to him from across the booth and whispered a few things I had in mind in his ear which resulted in him crushing the shell of his stolen lobster claw completely with his bare hand and the meat popping out. "There's 20 bucks I'll never get back."

"Insatiable woman."

"You say that like it's a bad thing, if you want we can go back to just missionary and the vanilla life, I should warn you though, it's been a while since I faked an orgasm."

He scowled at me then. "I should bloody well hope so, there's no greater sin than lying about lying with someone."

"I can think of a bunch of badder sins but ok, let's go with that for now. Have a bad experience in that, I'm guessing?"

"Let's not dwell too much in the past, shall we?"

I smirked. "As you wish." At that moment, my phone went off and an employee's number showed up on the screen. "Why are you interrupting my day off this time?" I answered.

"Hi, um, there appears to be an attack going on that I wasn't trained for here," the minion informed me.

I groaned and hailed my waiter to get me the check and to go box for my lobster, not letting 100 bucks of crustacean meat go to waste just yet. "Be right there, don't get your panties in a knot."

"Jokes on you, I'm in commando," the snarky bastard replied before hanging up.

"Good help is so hard to find these days," I muttered. "Do me a massive favor and get this home in the fridge, I got a feeling it would go bad if we took the long way home and waited till things settle. Feel free to join me in keeping my little business standing after."

"As you wish," he replied slyly. "I'll be but a moment." He kissed me quickly before poofing away.

Lucky for me, everything but my home was a quick jog away including my shop which I made a bee line for while civilians were getting out of the way of something, heading in the opposite direction. As I got closer, the air around me felt unnatural, something supernatural was here for sure then. My employee came out to meet me as I went to my shop which thankfully was still in one piece, I locked it up and shut it down just in case. That's when I heard it, a low rumbling growl and the air around us got strangely hotter than it was supposed to be this time of year. I looked for the source of the growls and spotted it not far from where I stood and it had its sights on my coworker.

"What is that thing?"

"I'm not well versed in the underworld but I'm almost certain that's a hellhound," I murmured.

"Those things exist?"

"Well I mean if there's aliens in New York and gods in Salem, why not?"

He nodded, accepting it as a reasonable answer. "What do we do?"

"Stare it down, hell or not, most animals won't hesitate to rip out your throat if they think they're the dominant one."

"Well I'm fucked then, my own boyfriend could tell I'm a sub before he even asked me for drinks," he told me.

"I met your boyfriend, dude's one smart cookie, you might be able to fool this one."

Of course right as I said that, I heard a faint yet somehow sharp whistle and the beast lunged right for my coworker but I was not going to start hiring anytime soon and grabbed the brute by the scruff of its neck with a skeletal arm before throwing it hard into the side of a brick building. The hound whined as it tried to stand up but made no more moves to attack us and lay on its belly. That's when we heard screaming coming from the Pirate Museum across the street and a bunch of teenagers were suddenly rushing out of the tiny building about buccaneers before two more great beasts broke through the display window and lunged for the last kid out. The closest one to the kid stopped short as two familiar fancy-ass daggers were suddenly lodged in its throat which reminded me I had my own to use since I wasn't about to use my death powers out in the open like the Avengers and I summoned my own and threw it into the other one's head. Loki walked over to me, giving me the once over to make sure I was okay before we both headed to where the other beasts lay dead to make sure the kid was okay. I yanked my dagger out of the bad dog's skull and let it dissipate away before getting a good look at the terrified target half curled up in a defensive ball, eyes wide and body tensed.

"Look familiar to you, Loki?" I teased lightly.

"Oh my, this is a small planet after all," joked back Loki.

"You know there's an old superstition around here, if you see one of these around halloween, they're actually a dead loved one checking up on you. Sadly it's not halloween, so I'd feel no remorse smacking it with a rolled up newspaper."

"Nell?" the kid in front of us squeaked, finally uncurling himself the smallest bit.

"Peter motherfucking Parker," I replied. "Any reason you know of as to why you've become underworld dog chow?"


	2. Who Let the Dogs Out?

"They're gonna make it, right? I mean...they can't die, not now."

I glanced over at Loki with an amused look. "Should I tell him?"

"Let him figure it out on his own, he's a smart kid."

"There's gotta be a cure, right?"

There were zombies everywhere despite being shot at repeatedly. There was really no hope for humanity at this point.

"Lemme know when they find a cure for all the cancers and I'll get back to you on that," I replied.

"Can't you do something?" he squeaked.

I arched an eyebrow at the kid. "Way beyond my paygrade."

"You don't work for Mr. Stark anymore?"

"I wouldn't call what I did around him working as I don't recall getting paid for it, hell I don't think he even gave me a pat on the back after any of the missions."

"Not even a cool new suit?"

"I told him I didn't need one, not like I even have a theme or codename for my other profession. They're all taken, like Night Queen, Zombie Queen doesn't really have a ring to it, too blunt, Hydra called me reaper and I'm not giving them the satisfaction of following through on that."

"Oh god, I can't look, there's so much blood and guts coming out."

"Have you not seen a disemboweled body before?" I asked curiously.

"I'm only 17, what do you want from me?"

"You're also a superhero aren't you?"

"Yeah so I save people from that fate."

I snorted. "Oh sweet summer child. Looks like we got our work cut out for us while you're here for the weekend. You sure you wanna hang with us while the rest of your class stays at the nicest hotel in Salem?"

"Yeah totally, I don't have to worry about being myself or my secret identity here, right?"

"Two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead and I'm all over that part so yeah, we good. You know if you can't handle this zombie movie, maybe we should start you off with Shaun of the Dead, mix the horror with humor."

"No no, I'm okay, I can handle this," Peter squeaked. "Just...that's really gory, I wasn't expecting that."

"I'm not gonna get in trouble for stashing you away on your field trip, am I?"

"No no, I told the professor I was staying with a friend of the family and May does consider you a friend so it's all squared away. This is a really nice place you have by the way, it's kinda like a gothic dream straight from the 1800s of England."

"My dream house Loki picked out for me, glad you think so too."

"And you're both totally okay with living this quiet little life of yours?"

"Thor was the one always looking for a fight or an adventure, up till I fell into the void, I only tagged along as a voice of reason or to prove I was just as good as he was, nothing more," Loki explained. "I prefer this life honestly."

"And that's saying something coming from the god of lies," I teased and was promptly whacked by a couch pillow.

"What's it like here during Halloween? I've never been but Mr. Stark says its pandemonium when he went."

I scoffed. "Then he lied, there were in fact very little sightings of pandas here in witch city."

Peter scowled at me but it easily broke into a grin right after.

"How are you liking this little field trip anyway?" I asked him in turn.

"Very educational as are all field trips I guess, but fun when we're allowed to do our own thing and not learning stuff too. This city is so cool."

"You visit the final resting place yet?"

"No?"

"Good thing you chose us for a tour guide then, we know all the cool places the paid ones tend to miss."

Peter was quiet for a moment, attempting to watch as more people in the movie were torn apart and eaten. "Thank you for saving me from those things back there."

I shrugged. "Think Tony would burn the city down if I didn't and I really like this city so it's all good. Why were they after you though, like what happened before we got there?"

"I might have overheard some bad guys talking outside one of the exhibits and they must have found out I was snooping and wanted to silence me," he replied meekly.

"This is why you leave espionage to the professionals, hun, you ain't exactly known for your stealthiness, hell, I've heard legit spiders skittering around on hard surfaces, that shit's scary when something light and small still makes enough noise without buzzing to be heard."

"And how are you so sure they were bad guys?" demanded Loki.

I glanced at Loki curiously, of all the questions he could've asked, he worried about the intention of others.

Peter however, turned on his watch and a projection appeared in front of us of two people, a young woman and a young man, neither of which we could get a clear shot of their face, talking to each other in the shadows of the museum in hushed voices.

"They're here, I can feel it, even with all the warding and protective charms this city is full of, there's no hiding that kind of power, not from me," the woman was saying in a harsh whisper.

"It's a small city, we should have no trouble finding them and getting what we both want out of it as long as we know what we're up against here," the man assured her, his voice deep and Aussie accented from the sound of it.

"I know exactly what we're up against, stop underestimating me!"

"Keep your voice down, woman, it's not just one person we'll be dealing with, there's others now just as powerful and dangerous, we wouldn't want to attract any unwanted attention because someone didn't do their research."

Peter ended the projection then. "After that, I may have tripped over something, got their attention and the dude sounded like he barked a command and then came the dogs."

"You couldn't get a clearer image of either of them?" I asked hopefully.

"It was like they knew exactly what angle to cover their face in shadow."

"So the lesson here is...?"

Peter had the grace to blush in embarrassment. "Do better next time?"

"Maybe ask Tony if he has any spy tech to add to your costume."

"Oh I have a spider drone for recon, would that help?"

I shrugged. "I dunno, I'm not actually a spy, just be more careful or I dunno, let the professionals do it? Canine's of any kind topside or underworld aren't the most loved pet in this city...for reasons."

"You mean because this is witch city and witches prefer cats?"

"I mean even the no-mag's prefer cats here, this is cat lady central."

"Why don't you have one?"

I turned to Loki then and arched an eyebrow. "Why don't I have one?"

"Am I not company enough?" teased Loki back.

"Eh cats aren't nearly that needy though you're both neck to neck in being fancypants divas and attention whores."

"I beg your pardon!?"

"Go on then, beg."

"You two haven't changed at all since you moved out of the compound," Peter laughed.

"The dead don't change, hun, occasionally just rot away but nothing lasts forever."

"Loki's changed since he first came to our planet though, what about him?"

"My question exactly, what about him?" My answer was once again a pillow smacking, making me cackle at the fact, a god of over a thousand years could be reduced to a child by a light sassing. I snatched the pillow from him and in a split second decision, lunged at him and pretended to suffocate him with the pillow, watching him flail in surprise before he easily pushed me up and off him.

"Nice try."

"I wasn't really trying if I'm being honest," I drawled playfully.

He stole the pillow back from me, tossing it to Peter and did something anyone else would think is very unLoki-like and crushed me in his version of a death cuddle which is essentially holding me taut against him in a playful but dangerously strong cuddle where I'm pretty much constricted and unable to move. Maybe this is why he's often associated with snakes. It's not him parenting a planet eating one, it's him acting like a fucking boa constrictor. Despite the inability to move which always gets me tense as it reminded me of waking up in a coffin six feet under, I actually didn't mind this as it was Loki who wasn't actually into smothering his lovers so when he chose to do so, it was something different and therefore welcomed. I simply let myself relax in his hold which resulted in him loosening his own to a more comfortable cuddle, knowing he had won that short lived round.

"If you tell anyone what you saw in this cottage, I can't guarantee your safety nor your fate but I can promise neither will end well for you," I informed Peter who had a curious expression on his face having watched us not be the murderous monsters we claim to be.

"We'll feed you to those dogs," added Loki for good measure.

"You killed them though," Peter pointed out.

"You think there's only three hounds in existence? Granted, bad things always do come in threes funny enough, but yeah they ain't white rhinos, no endangered species come from the underworld, more where that came from."

"What do we do then? You think more will attack?"

"I've got a strong feeling, if we don't see the dogs, we'll definitely be meeting their owners."

"Be thankful they're not like Hela's dog Fenrir too," Loki added. "He could crush them with one paw."

"Everything's bigger on Asgard," I muttered.

"Everything?" Peter asked curiously.

"At least the things that matter," I joked.

"Stop painting pornographic pictures in his head, he doesn't need to know that," Loki chided.

"Hey, he asked."

"They're eating my favorite character!" cried Peter suddenly, getting back in the zombie movie.

"Wanna know why zombies won't eat clowns?"

Peter turned over to me worriedly, already looking a little green around the edge.

"Because they taste funny!"


	3. Time for a Detox

"I was five and he was six...

We rode on horses made of sticks

He wore black and I wore white

He would always win the fight...

Bang bang," I sang in front of a small crowd for karaoke night.

Loki who was among the people watching me perform Nancy Sinatra's song was torn between amusement for my choice of songs and admiration it seemed that I could actually sing at all. Peter was off doing one of those silly haunted tours Salem has even when its not Halloween season with his best friend. He was only so lucky I chose a soft oldie song as my preferred one were mostly industrial, hard rock, or of course metal of most kinds, my favorite band being In This Moment. He was lucky I hadn't reached that point in the relationship where I'd blast the iHome during a shower and belted out the lyrics like the harpy I really was, between my love of metal music and being a former screampark actress, even dead I could scream like a melodic banshee when I wanted to. It must be the dry somewhat raspy Bostonian tone that throws people off thinking that's the only tune I'm capable of.

I took a seat beside Loki once I finished the song and gave him a playful wink. "Not bad for a dead chick, right?"

"Are you going to ask that every time I find out something new about you?" he asked in amusment.

"If I can't get old, neither can my jokes," I replied smoothly.

"I'm going to have to disagree on that last part."

"You're free to do so but you'd be wrong."

It was then I heard the guitar riffs of a familiar song start to play that had me freeze and slowly turn my head to the stage. I didn't have much of a past to remember and for the most part I was glad for what I could but there were some memories I wish they took even from after I rose from the grave that should forever stay buried. And the song playing alone was digging those memories out.

"Nell? You okay, love? I'm positive you'd be pale if you weren't already," Loki half teased.

"I have to get out of this bar," I murmured.

"Is it the song? I thought you liked this type of music."

"I do..."

And then someone walked up on the stage, took the mic, and began to belt out the lyrics on par and I was so done with karaoke for life and after that. Everything in me was telling me to make a mad dash for the nearest exit but at the same time I couldn't move save for glancing back at Loki who was watching me closely and worriedly.

"What's wrong?"

"You ever meet someone attractive and yet while every single warning bell and red flag goes up in your mind, you still manage to get in touch with them later?" I asked.

Being the clever god he was, he put two and two together quite easily and looked from me to where I was staring straight ahead on the stage. "She's an ex, isn't she? She's not a Supreme too is she?"

"No, Cro is the only one that even considered playing with his projects. She on the other hand...can at least be killed...if I can get feeling back in my...everything."

"Do you only ever go for the dark and dangerous ones? I'm sensing a pattern here."

The songstress didn't outright look like either of those things to the untrained eye, long dyed blond streaked and brown hair, piercing hazel eyes made sharper with eyeliner and shadow, she reminded me of a punk rock goddess in a sense, that was part of her allure, what drew me to her back in the day, that edge and unnatural beauty. 

"Who was at fault in the end?" asked Loki curiously.

Ah there it was, what broke me out of her spell was the memory of who she truly was and what she did. I blinked and my body relaxed as if I had been holding a breath for too long. "She was."

Loki grinned like he already knew that was the answer. "You alright now?"

"Yeah, I still wanna blow this popsicle stand though."

He took one of my hands in his, a cool thumb brushing over my knuckles soothingly and drawing my attention completely to him, one look in his forest eyes and I was lost in the woods again. "How many of your exes am I going to get to meet?"

"I'm really hoping she's the last of em but with my luck these days..." I could still feel her gaze burning into me even after I tore mine from her.

"What are you thinking about right now that's stayed your usually loose tongue?"

"Things that should've been forgotten," I growled.

Loki stood up then and pulled me to my feet as he still held my hand and swiftly without word or warning led me out of the pub and pulled me to a side alley. "I know all too well how painful the past can be to relive it in one's head and as such know many different ways to keep those memories from flooding your mind if you're willing."

I arched an eyebrow, intrigued by his offering. "Go on..."

"Firstly, find a feature on me right now that isn't like any other person, especially an old flame and focus on that alone."

That was quite simple, his eyes that were so green and gleaming like emeralds forged in the eternal flames which is apparently a thing that can destroy planets. Who knew fire bad?

"What are you thinking now?"

I was quiet at first as I gazed into his eyes once more. "What's a girl like you doing with a guy like me?"

He chuckled at the intentional mix up. "I recall you preferring me in this form rather than as a goddess."

I grinned and shrugged. "I do, there is only so much beauty I can handle before I'm convinced I'm not worthy of getting my claws in it."

"You always have the oddest way of throwing compliments," he mused. "Are you sure you're all right though?"

"It's not often I get flashbacks with how much was taken away but when I do it's like being tossed around by the Hulk without warning."

Loki shuddered at that image. "I believe the Midgardian phrase is: I feel you."

I snickered at his attempt to blend in. "Please don't, it doesn't sound right with that accent or actually coming from a space Viking really."

"I beg your pardon, what did you just call me?"

"Space Viking? Viking from space? A Norsemen of ancient times that currently resides in the vastness of space and/or time?"

He scowled at my unnecessary definitions, knowing I was only actually defining the term to annoy him. "I'm a god, you dead creature."

"Whatever makes you sleep at night, sugarpants." I was then pinned against the side of a brick building in my favorite way.

"You want to play this game?" he purred in my ear, making me shiver.

"I just want you," I told him honestly.

His gorgeous green eyes glittered in the moonlight. "Tell me what else, what more?"

I looked up at him and cupped the side of his face with one hand, such perfection at the tip of my fingers, I'd never say it out right but I was eternally glad he was all mine. "Help me forget, make me only remember your name on my lips, only your taste and touch."

For a fleeting moment, his features softened as he understood what I really needed, he was after all, despite his own bad past, a benevolent god. "My love...when I am done with you, every bit of you will be so full of me, there'll hardly be room for you in there, let alone anyone else." I vaguely recalled him once telling me how his "friends" by which I mean his brother's friends would mock him when his smooth talking failed him. What they didn't understand about the silvertongued devil that should really be platinum at this level was that it worked wonders on the right listeners and I was willing to bet those friends were shit listeners to him.

I stared up at the ceiling some time later in the dead of night, mouth slightly parted in awe and aftershock, stark naked and spread eagle on the bed, completely unable to move without going into violent convulsions of pleasure. On a side note, I was informed Loki on top of being the god of mischief is also a patron saint of a few interesting naughty positions, hallowed be his name. It wasn't very often I asked to be a full on submissive but when I did, we both relished in it.

"My pet," Loki cooed beside me, propping himself up just enough to look down at me from where I lay near motionless. "Have I broken you?"

I chuckled which apparently was just enough to get me writhing again much to Loki's utter delight. "Was that your aim?"

"For you, my aim is simply to please." He dropped his head to snatch a kiss from me once I stopped twitching again. "At the risk of killing the moment, would you tell me why the sudden need to have me earlier? What did she do to you?"

"You remember those times I questioned your intentions with me? Why you wanted to be with me?"

"I might be ancient compared to you but my memory is probably ten times sharper at the least."

I glowered at him as best I could through the haze of post-coitus. "She's the reason why."

"Elaborate on that."

"She seduced me, convinced me she didn't care what kind of person or being I was, had me believing she wanted me for me, death mage or not, but when it came down to it...she was more hungry for what I could do for her than what I could do with her. When she saw just how powerful I was, that's all she wanted, all she demanded even, and when I called her out on it, she flipped, tried to take it for herself by any means she was capable of. Naturally, I had to break up with her for being a class A psycho-bitch, great body, terrible personality, I might be immune to poisons but I know a toxic relationship when I feel one. What the fuck is she even doing in my city?"

"Hate to break it to you, love, but Salem isn't exactly one of those secret destinations your country loves to hide in plain sight. If you want, I can get rid of her for you though."

"Very tempting but I'd rather you two didn't meet even in the best conditions."

"Afraid she might spill things about you I don't already know?"

"I just have a really bad feeling shit will hit the fan the second that happens but that might actually happen too, I hadn't even thought about that one."

"Well what would she know that I don't? Maybe we can get that out of the way, tell me things she knows explicitly about you."

"She was my first woman, I can tell you that. Not the last by a longshot though, that's for damn sure. So you could say, she taught me a whole fuckton about the art of the pleasures of the flesh and nerves. She might've been Satan's bastard daughter but she was heaven in bed unfortunately and she damn well knew it so it's probably gonna come up should you meet that she could at one point rock my world in ways she believes you can't. Sex is her favored weapon. Even if she's convinced you're better at it then she was, she'll still keep prodding, maybe ask if I do or react to a certain move not many would know about. I'm confident you've covered everything and more with me but in the unlikely event you didn't and she brings that shit up...don't go back and try that, there's probably a reason it hasn't resurfaced since and it ain't because she's a special case."

"Does she know about what you truly are, you said she knows how powerful you are, is that not the same?"

"She knows the extent of my necromancy I show when things get bad, she doesn't know much else regarding that, she didn't reach the level where I allowed or was given permission to tell her like you were. She doesn't know I'm a Horsemen or that I'm pretty much immortal now, she doesn't know anything beyond being one of the most powerful necromancers this side of the world."

"There's solace in that, I should think. My ego can take a few naughty secrets here and there but after meeting your mentor and all that and I find you're still holding out on me as the mortals say, I'd be very cross with you."

"Oh you'd be cross?" I teased. "How crossed? Cross eyed, crisscrossed, cross examined, Michael Crossed?"

"At the very least, you'd get a spanking."

I scoffed. "The horror, I'll never be bad again."

"Should hope so, that position has already been filled."

"Something's been filled alright," I mused.

He chuckled at this, brushing stray hairs from my face as he did. "When you see her next and feel like you're going to freeze or snap, I want you to remember that one feature of mine unlike anyone else's. That song alone made you freeze, so now you need something prominent in your mind to undo that trigger, if a song connects her to you, find something better to break the connection and tether it to me."

I studied him, the god was literally fucking perfect, I couldn't fathom how Thor was the favorite of the fucked up family, that dude was too much muscle and hair for my liking and there here's Loki with the perfect amount of beauty, build, and mystery that should be what the perfect man is made of. "I'm curious why you were single before you met me."

"You mean besides being under constant surveillance, house arrest compliments of Stark, and being overshadowed by what every other mortal fawns over in the Avengers?" he asked dryly.

"But...aren't they all taken, all the dudes anyway? I mean that should at the very least direct some female attention to you, the obvious single one. Tony's got Pepper, Clint has his farm fam, Steve has Bucky, Thor has his reflection. That kinda just leaves Peter who's cute as a button but I'm guessing he goes to the school for the blind as he's somehow still single himself, that's really weird."

"I might also be giving mortals the impression that I don't actually want to be here nor anywhere around them and while I've been told women still eat that up, the whole self absorbed act, it certainly doesn't help I acted on that earlier on."

I rolled my eyes. "Their loss for not letting that go."

"Indeed, but your gain all the same. I could ask the same of you though, before you were caught by Hydra I have to assume you were single as well."

"For a while I made damn sure I at least has a fuck buddy, someone warm and cuddly to have on colder nights but then I realized orgies wouldn't keep me warm and alive forever. Found someone eventually I thought would be my eternal someone, turned out he was a spy sent from the Supremes to make sure I was following their plan and not just Cro's alone as he had his own made for me they didn't approve of. He eventually defected to stay with me rather than continue with them but they always had the final word and took away his immortality and made him just a mortal man, something about Orders never meddling with what will always be beneath them so he's no longer an Order. Naturally, I couldn't have him as just a mortal, I'm dangerous and humans are frail as fuck so I let him go and kept moving, never slowing down enough for anyone to catch me till Hydra showed up."

"You're telling me, if you weren't caught by them, no one could pursue you?"

"I mean, most people tend to run from me these days, not to me, the whole being dead thing is kinda a turn off and for some odd reason unknown to me necrophilia is still frowned upon in this establishment. There's no pleasing some people."

"Foolish mortals, don't they know the dead can't say no?" he joked.

I cackled. "And you thought you were rubbing off on me, hello pot, meet kettle."

"Well I gotta keep up somehow in case we pull another switcheroo as Peter calls it, Valhalla knows how you keep coming up with the limitless supply of dead jokes and puns."

"Comes with the territory I suppose. Can't spell funeral without adding a little fun into it."


	4. The Real Pussy Magnet

"So this is the final resting place then?" Peter asked curiously as I showed him all the other sweet spots of Salem.

"Take a look if you like," I waved a hand toward the cemetery invitingly. "They need to be remembered or they died for nothing."

Peter walked to each polished granite stone brick jutting out from the wall, a name of a victim on each protruding stone as well as at least one fresh flower on it in respect and remembrance. "Was only one person crushed to death?"

"You say that like one isn't too much for the wrongfully accused."

"I'm just curious why only he was."

"Oh there were many different ways these people were killed, hanging was the most popular, there was also burning by stake or drowning to see if you floated or not, our ancestors were cruel with their creativity."

"Where's Loki speaking of cruel parentage? Isn't he always not far behind you?"

"Behind, above, below, inside, all that good stuff. He's manning the shop while I give you this unofficial exclusive tour, apparently hell hounds wasn't part of the job description with the current coworker so he's opted to come in when he thinks the dust will settle."

"And the war criminal/prince of another planet knows how to run a shop?" he asked incredulously.

"He's not Thor, he's been on this planet long before we the natives realized he was and he doesn't break everything he touches either. Give the god some credit, he's incredibly clever despite his past misdeeds, he knows how this world works and he knows how to blend in when needed."

Peter shrugged and took a few pics of the graves while he was there to at least prove he wasn't getting in trouble or goofing off while hanging out with me. "What did the locals think of him living here?"

"Sweety, this place was made famous by natives fearing and ostracizing people they thought dangerous and now tourists come just to see the witches, what do you think?"

"I think there's more than one reason you chose to live here with him, isn't there? You wanted him to feel welcome wherever he settled and this probably is the best place in the region at least."

"Exactly, there's other such places in the country like this, Louisiana for instance, with the voodoo and black magic going on there but that wouldn't be good for either of us as him being a Frost Giant and the south being hell's kitchen doesn't mix and there's more than enough zombie whisperers down there already, they don't need one more. Salem is our perfect piece of Midgard."

Peter went to take a picture on his phone of the grave of the one man that was crushed but paused and lowered his phone slowly. "What is that?"

I followed his gaze and a wide grin stretched across his face. "Still a virgin I'm guessing since you clearly haven't seen a pussy before." I knelt down and make chirping, kissing noises, holding out a hand slowly. Lo and behold a gorgeous fluffy Mainecoon kitty prowled out from its hiding place to greet me, sniffing my hand before headbutting it with a purr. "Aren't you just the prettiest little furball in all the city, yes you are, and I've seen my share of pussies, let me tell you." I stroked its soft fur before scooping it up in my arms and standing up, the purring intensifying as it continued to rub its head against me in my arms. "No collar and tags, are you someone's familiar or companion? Where'd you come from, kitty-poo?" A happy little mew was my only answer, I didn't even know where to look for a microchip.

Peter slowly held out his hand to the cat as well and it allowed him to pet it which even I could tell he was relieved about and relaxed as he pet the kitty happily. "Not worried about diseases or bugs it might be carrying?"

"I'll take it to the vet to see if it has an owner or health issues naturally but nothing coming from it but love can really affect me. Hope Loki doesn't mind sharing me, think this one has claimed me as well, who's got four paws and a new car engine in their body?" Another happy mew. "That's right, it's you! I'm gonna spoil you rotten, you're such a good kitty."

"If Loki is any kind of pet person, it would have to be cats, I gotta say," Peter noted. "Can't see him being a dog person at all."

"Thor definitely is, both got the happy, eager to please, high energy thing going for them. Sounds exhausting, you're a definite dog person despite cats liking you. You definitely have the sad puppy look that still boggles my mind why no one's fallen for it yet, what are you doing that's scaring them away?"

"I dunno, I'm only being myself usually."

"You're like Eevee though, even at the first stage, you're so cute and so powerful and only gonna get cooler with experience."

"Okay hold up, did you just compare me to Pokemon?"

"Why are you so shocked by that? You don't know me, you don't know what I've been through?"

"What's the next stage after me then?"

"Well there's already an actor that's the next evolution after you, Taeryn Egerton, the Jolteon I'd say. All depends on what your best element is."

"I'm sorry, I'm still not over you referencing Pokemon."

I rolled my eyes and scratched my new friends head. "This is what I get for trying to relate to the newest generation. Screw you guys, I'm going home." At that point, the kitty began to hiss, eyes narrowed, ears flat against its head in typical kitty "I'll fight you so fuck off" mode. I followed its gaze past Peter and my own eyes narrowed as well. "Do me a favor," I murmured. "Get to my shop and tell him to come find me, we got company."

Peter nodded without hesitation and scurried off, showing who was walking up behind him that had my new pet's immediate distrust.

"So it's true, animals can sense evil," I sneered at the intruder.

"Is that any way to greet me?"

"Hacking off your head with a rusted butter knife and shoving it on a wooden pike is apparently out of fashion these days, I've yet to find something more trendy."

"And you're all about style arent you?" she sneered sarcastically.

I shrugged, the cat in my arms keeping me calm while also not amused by her. "Moreso than you are, the 80's called, they want their punk rock back."

"You used to love this look on me, you called me your rock goddess."

"When have I ever stuck to just one religion though, that's such a selfish thing to do when there's far better gods to worship." Well just the one god actually, where the fuck was he when I needed him? Was the previous night not enough of a sacrifice to summon the god of many forms of pleasure?

"I miss your altar offerings," she cooed.

"Tough titties, tuts."

She scowled at my response, probably not expecting me to be that indifferent and I myself was surprised I could be as just the night before had me frozen on the spot. I glanced down at the cat in my arms who still looked pissed as hell at my ex while simultaneously purring from me petting her as that continued to keep me calm and poised. Bless the goddess Bast for giving us therapeutic furballs. 

"Why are you here?" I finally asked.

"Come back to me and I'll tell you."

"If I wanted to be tormented and used for someone else's personal gain, I'd go back to the nearest Hydra base that's still standing with my pants down. Why are you here?"

"Oh darling, when have I ever told you everything on the first meeting?"

"That was my mistake for thinking a little mystery would be fun with you, my mistake for not walking the other way when I had the chance."

"There's still so much you don't know about me that you could if you gave me another chance."

"At this point, there's nothing I actually want to know about you, nothing about you at all makes me want to give you something you don't deserve."

"You don't know what I deserve."

"Oh believe me, I got a few ideas on that matter."

She made a move to get closer to me but even before I could get a zombie to bite off her feet, the kitty started spitting and growling at her and she paused and didn't come any closer. "It was nice to see you again, darling, we really should catch up while I'm here."

I watched her leave while restraining myself from siccing the dead on her for good measure by keeping my attention on my new companion.

"What a repugnant creature that was," a new voice stated beside me, making me nearly throw my cat at the general direction the voice came from. In a green flash, Loki solidified beside me, staring in the direction my ex left in. "What ever did you see in her?"

"Beginning to wonder that myself," I muttered. "She seemed like a good idea at the time."

"You seem to be in a better state of mind since you first saw her last night...Wait a second, what is that in your arms right now?"

"She hates my ex too, can I keep her? She found me while I was giving Peter the tour." I held out my new companion for him to inspect while the cat only curled into me more. "I'm thinking of naming her Lady Catalie."

Loki studied the cat in my arms with narrowed eyes before blinking at it and looking away, a universally known tactic to befriend kitties. "That's not a Midgardian feline."

I arched an eyebrow and stroked her soothingly. "Don't listen to the mean god, he's only been around one Midgardian pussy since he moved here."

Loki crossed his arms in an unamused expression and let the cat sniff his outstretched hand. "I'm not being insulting here, that's not an earthly creature in your arms."

"Anyone that's met you could say that to me, you know?"

Loki sighed, seeing he couldn't convince me otherwise. "Listen to me, there are other creatures from other worlds that share the same look as the ones here, like Asgardians looking like hairier, heavily armored humans, flerkens are more dangerous versions of cats."

I looked down at the purring furball in my arms. "Are you dangerous? You look too cute and cuddly to be anything more than a pretty kitty." A happy mew came from the purr machine. "See, she agrees with me."


	5. Normality is an Illusion

"I don't know what you're playing at being here or what you want in Salem but I will find out and when I do, you'll be back on the streets...if I don't decide to skin you alive myself," Loki threatened.

"Look at him trying to make friends with my new pet, aren't they the cutest?" I asked Peter from the sidelines.

"I'm not convinced his goal with her is friendship," muttered Peter.

"Some cats you gotta be a little mean to them at first to earn their respect."

"Or maybe that's just you," joked Peter.

"Nah, it depends on the person I meet. Take Loki for instance, I was all jokes and sexual inuendos when I met him."

"Then why were you mean to me?"

"Because I hate spiders and you kept killing the mood we were in. You're alright, Peter, I don't invite just any superhero into my home these days, Tony and Steve are usually left at the doorstep when the whole team swings by."

"You refused entry to the two biggest names on the team? Why?"

"Because their ego wouldn't fit in my house when I can barely fit Loki's half the time."

"You weren't complaining about fitting me the other night!" called Loki.

"I was preoccupied with screaming my lungs out."

"Is this all you two do in here, bicker and go at it like bunnies?" asked Peter incredulously.

"Nah, bunnies only have the one move."

"And not nearly as tasty either," Loki added.

"Was there bunnies on Asgard?" I wondered curiously.

"We preferred bigger game with a bit more fight in them than that," Loki replied smoothly. "What was it you always said? Everything's bigger on Asgard."

"Ain't that the truth," I muttered.

Loki winked at me being the tease he was.

"Learn anything interesting while you've been here?" I asked Peter.

"Besides the fact you have a past that's attractive and wants a second chance?" joked Peter. "In some ways, we haven't changed since the Puritans."

"Okay first of all, don't remind me of that...ever. I liked not having a past to be trapped in. Secondly, you're right, people will always judge what they don't understand unfairly and often times cruelly. But at least here in this city, you'll be more welcome the weirder you are. No one's telling me to fall back in the grave I crawled out of or tell Loki he belongs in an offworld prison. Our pasts do not define us which is why I'm gonna murder mine the second I have a chance to with when there's no witnesses."

"I believe the phrase here is: Hell hath no fury like a dead woman scorned," teased Loki, earning him an elbow in the gut. "Why didn't you when you left her?"

"I wasn't as strong or powerful compared to her back then and the heartbreak she caused was crippling when I gave her everything else of myself and she still demanded more. Here's a lifehack for you, Pete. Never give someone everything of yourself, especially all at once, never unless there isn't a shadow of a doubt they'll use what you gave them wisely. She wasn't my first or last heartbreak by a longshot but she was probably the worst I've had in a while. The kind where it takes that much longer to bounce back from."

"You know, if you're worried about how the others will react to you killing someone that isn't public enemy number one, I'd be happy to do it for you as it wouldn't be at all surprising to them if I did it," offered Loki.

"The team didn't try to take you back to the compound on good behavior and I'd rather not live alone with just me and my hand again anytime soon so no, this is my mess, much like the last time, I gotta take care of it. We just gotta make sure we're thorough, they can trace murders back to you if you do it because they know your style and probably fingerprints, but as I'm still mostly dead, it can't be traced back to me, they won't know if I did it, or a random zombie, or something else entirely."

"It worries me how you know this, like you've thought this through before," murmured Peter.

"What you gotta understand is...neither of us are superhero material, our moral compass doesn't point north so basically we do what we want as long as it doesn't cause a lot of problems after. Take no shit but leave no trace." At that point, Lady Catalie prowled over from her perch on the windowsill and rubbed against my leg happily. "Antiheroes for the win!" I picked up my kitty and cuddled her against me. "Any place specific you wanna check out today?"

"I'm actually gonna do some exploring with my best friend, I totally forgot to ask, is it cool if he meets me here?"

I glanced at Loki who shrugged carelessly. "He's not gonna make a big deal about you staying with us, is he?"

"He makes a big deal about anything I do that's not normal for a teenager but it's all good as he's great with secrets. Should be here soon, actually."

It wasn't long before the doorbell rang and by which I mean a werewolf howl sounded in the house, picked that one out myself. Loki, always up for surprising guests, was the one to answer the door complete in his battlewear and a devilish smirk as he opened the door for Peter's best friend Ned.

"Hey I'm here for P-" Ned stopped seeing who answered the door and just kinda stared at the freakishly tall god in front of him who chuckled at his reaction.

Peter of course came up to save the day for the poor kid. "Hey Ned, you ready?"

"Dude how do you always meet the coolest people?" Ned asked after breaking out of his stupor.

"Perks of being Spiderman?"

I walked over and allowed myself to be held against Loki's armorclad body as he wrapped his arms around. "You boys be safe and if you can't be safe, then just be smart."

Ned then noticed me and I couldn't tell if he was staring at me because I looked decent for a dead chick or just because I looked like a dead chick and that was apparently not a normal thing to have walking around these days. "You're the one Peter calls the Night Queen?"

I arched an eyebrow at Peter. "Stealing Tony's nicknames are we? Thought you were clever enough to make your own."

"I tried, he keeps beating me to it though."

"I guess that's me? Hey, fun fact, winter is coming."

Ned laughed at this before turning back to Peter. "Ready when you are."

"Have him back by 11pm or I'm sending white walkers after you."

"Aw come on, Nell!" whined Peter. "Too early."

"Midnight is witching hour, and you ain't a wiccan so yeah 11 or else."

"Don't worry, I'll have him back here before then, by the way your place is really cool just from what I've seen, I heard it's lit during Halloween."

"You're welcome to come for the party then," I offered. "You and Peter both."

"But we're both underage..."

"Does it look like I care how old you are? Besides, it's only illegal if you get caught and even Tony can't get in unless we want him to. Have fun, boys." We watched them leave the property before I turned back to Loki. "Think they'll stay out of trouble?"

"It'll take a miracle," he mused. 

I put Lady down so I could curl into Loki more, enjoying the secure feeling of him against me. 

"What are you thinking about? I can feel it in your head."

"Enjoying the peace while it lasts."

"Why wouldn't it?"

"She came here for a reason and whatever reason that is, it can't be good which means things are about to get a whole lot messier than it needs to be."

Loki turned me around to face him and locked his eyes on mine. "We'll deal with whatever comes together, you can't keep pushing me to the sidelines like you did last time."

"I can try," I muttered.

He gave me an amused look. "You needn't worry about me so much if your aim is to protect me, I've survived far worse than what trouble follows you."

"Surviving shouldn't be enough," I replied stubbornly. "You shouldn't be dealing with my fallout, you shouldn't even be involved."

"If I'm involved with you, I'm involved with everything else that comes with you, that's how a relationship works, isn't it?"

I looked away from him with a scowl. "Stop being right all the time."

He chuckled, tilting my chin up so he could snatch a sweet kiss from me. "Never. Then I'd stop being me."

"You're lucky you're cute."

"Me? Cute? I would've gone for insanely smart and incredibly good looking."

"Well you got the first adjective right, the rest is debatable."

"Oh, love, we're all mad here."


	6. What's In Your Head?

"She's not your average mortal, is she?" asked Loki out of the blue while we were practicing in a secluded spot of trees and field.

"Do you always start conversations this way?" I retorted while narrowly ducking his bo staff.

"I honestly couldn't imagine you going for one so even someone as mad as she seems to be has to have something special for you to accept her."

"There's no official term to my knowledge for what she is beyond class A bitch but in fiction she's similar to what's known as a blood witch so if we have to face off, break her bones but try not to make her bleed no matter how bloody insane she is."

"Can she use someone else's blood against them?"

"You mean like a blood bender in the Avatar series? You would think so, but not so much, thank whatever heathen gods gave her that power, she can however force her own blood into you either by an open wound or gods forbid any open orifice and that's when you're seriously fucked as she can essentially puppeteer whoever she's forced herself into. Now I remember why I froze up when I saw her the other night, it didn't occur to me while I was with her back then but after the fact I realized just how rapey her powers can be. She can literally force herself in anyone against their will and do what she wants." I shuddered and therefore couldn't dodge the tapered end of the staff as it swung at my ribs swiftly.

"Did she ever do that to you?"

"No, she didn't need to when I was already putty in her hand doing whatever she wanted save for giving her an army. I didn't give her the chance to after I said no to her, flipped her the bird and ran off, not taking any chances and she sure as hell ain't getting any more from me." I blocked his next few attacks with my own staff and managed to whack him in the leg hard enough to get him on one knee. "That's more like it, I hope you have the ring too while you're on your knee."

"Don't you worry about that, I have every intention of spending the rest of my life with you," he assured me with a grin. "But what you want won't come because you somehow got the upperhand, it happens when I say it does, not you."

I smirked back at him, blocking another swing as he tried to level the field by aiming for my legs. "Control freak much?"

"Thought you like when I take control," he purred, dodging my staff coming at his head and getting back on both feet.

"Oh I do, I'd grow bored being just a dom or just a sub the entire time but while we're both immortal, you still age and I ain't getting any younger."

"No, you're the perfect age to open up and drink deeply from."

I stopped dancing away from his advances to stare at his super sexy super clever inuendo and as a result got hit again, this time in the leg and I was suddenly the one on my knees.

"You really should've seen that coming, love," he teased.

"Stupid sexy Frost Giant," I muttered, rolling away from his next move and flipping up onto my feet only to narrowly dodge his staff again.

"One must always be ready for any kind of advances from her opponent," he continued.

"You keep hitting me like that, there won't be much good parts left of me to have fun with later," I warned.

Loki scoffed at this and continued with the attacks. "You cannot lie to the god of lies." He smirked then and lunged at me with such random ferocity it didn't take much for him to knock me off my feet and much like at the Avengers compound, I was once more on my back with one end of his staff pointed at my throat mercilessly.

I didn't bother attempting to shake him off at that point and let him have his win, he was actually hotter when he won as I sometimes worried this quiet life we settled into would either bore him or domesticate him too much. He was raised by immortal warriors after all, while he had his own methods of protection and offence compared to the rest, he still should have some action in his life if it wasn't the sex and the occasional enemies of his lover interrupting that. "Enjoying yourself up there?"

"You know how I love it when I got you on your back. You always suggest staves though for this, why? You know I'm the better wielder of them, you already learned that the hard way."

"Would you believe I want to see if you can pole dance with them?" I asked innocently.

"Nice try, love. What is it really?"

"Maybe I want you to beat me..."

He arched an eyebrow at me curiously. "I already knew you have a masochistic side."

"It's more than that...When you get that dangerous look where you're going in for the kill...it's exciting to say the least."

He grinned wider at this. "Ah so you enjoy seeing me in my element then."

"I thought your element was ice, or is that water really? Earth, air, fire and water, yeah not ice, ha, who's the wet one now?" The staff at my throat twirled away only to whack me in the side lightly.

"Insufferable woman," he mused.

"The dead suffer none," I replied slyly. "You gonna circle me like a shark all evening or help me up before the carrion creatures get ideas about me?"

An amused smirk tugged at his lips as he pretended to ponder his options teasingly then lent me his hand and pulled me up once again just hard enough to have me flush against him without either of us losing our balance in the uneven momentum. "Have you any experience in swordsplay?" he asked after stealing a kiss and letting me go.

"I'll take ancient weaponry not used in this century on this planet for 400, Trebek," I answered incredulously.

"A simple no would've sufficed."

"Yeah but I'm not that simple."

He rolled his eyes at me. "Perhaps we should test that out just for fun then."

"You growing bored just beating me with one kind of weapon?" I asked. "I'm open to horse crops, ya know."

"Different dance, different time but I'll keep that in mind anyway. Just thinking ahead is all, guns and such have only been used from Hydra or pretty much whenever the Avengers are involved, perhaps we should consider getting you trained in less conventional weaponry now that we split from them."

"Your logic is sound save for the fact the Avengers were the bigger targets so without them drawing attention to us, we shouldn't have to worry about how to kick ass."

"When has it ever been that easy?"

"Well I mean it wasn't that hard snagging you, you were on me like a fat kid on cake in less than a week."

"Maybe that was my intention all along, more than one way to make new allies."

"Yeah but you had more than allies in mind the way I see it."

He simply smirked slyly before pulling me against him again and kissing me. "So you like it when I'm seen as especially dangerous then."

"Well I already have a soft cuddle buddy waiting for me back home, gotta get an edge somehow, right?"

"She's not sleeping on the bed with us, you know."

"Why not? Kitties need cuddles too."

He scowled at me then. "The bedroom is for us alone, pets included."

I stared up at him curiously before my own smirk widened. "Someone has problems sharing, Thor steal your favorite toys as a kid or did he just destroy them outright?"

"No, you will not try to psychoanalyze me by guessing what my childhood was like. Just because you don't have one, doesn't mean you can dissect what little I told you about mine." To emphasize his determination to keep his ancient past hidden from me, he spun me around to give me a death cuddle, the hard period at the end of his sentence. "Just because you're cute, doesn't mean you can get away with prying where you shouldn't."

"Says who? It's worked for me thus far."

"What are you always so fond of telling me? It's not all about you."

"Get your own goddamn oneliners, you copycat or should I say copy-flerken since you're convinced cats don't exist."

Loki rolled his eyes at my constant sassing and simply tossed me over his shoulder fireman style. "You're lucky you're cute."

"You sure you don't mean, you're Loki and I'm cute, luck's got nothing to do it what comes naturally."

"There's nothing natural about you."

"Says the armorclad space Viking."

"Please stop calling me that."

I just snickered and enjoyed the free ride I was getting out of this though curiously wondering where exactly he was taking me. "Where we going, fearless leader?"

"See, that title I don't mind, use that one more."

"Sure thing, bossman." I patted his cute little ass teasingly, causing him to growl in warning. "So where we going?"

"Yes indeed, where do you think you're going?" a new voice asked, causing Loki to stop in his tracks, put me back down, and turn around, putting himself between me and the voice's origin. 

I peaked out from behind Loki as daggers slid into his hands and relaxed the slightest bit as a giant sparkly ring of wizardry appeared before us followed by sparky sparky boom man walking through it. "Ruh roh, Strange-r Danger."

"Still defending her, I see," said the red caped wizard. "Do you have any idea what she is?"

"Do you?" countered Loki stiffly but smugly. "Trying to scare me away from her won't work if that was your intention. What else do you want?"

"While neither of you have left my list of people that shouldn't be walking this planet, it has come to my attention something else dangerous is located in this city specifically, something dark and powerful that isn't death related."

"If you know it isn't us then why come to us about it?"

"My sources tell me you had an encounter with it a few days ago. Or at least with what was sent by it from the underworld."

"That little eight legged freak," I growled. "Great with secrets my ass."

"So he sent you the recording of us killing hellhounds," summed up Loki.

"No, he sent what he showed you two to Tony Stark who sent it to me as he claims that's more my area of expertise for some reason even though those things looked pretty easy to kill without magic. Tony of course knows he stayed with you instead of the rest of his class because at the time he believed you two would be a safe option, clearly he was wrong."

"Hold up! I didn't even know all that was happening or that he would be in town till the hounds were near my shop and attacking him and he wanted to stay with us once we killed the hounds attacking him, don't turn it on us!" I argued.

"She's right, we were in the middle of brunch by the sea when she got the call from an employee saying her work had a dog problem and then after we fixed it, we found Parker was essentially the cause," Loki agreed.

"What do you mean the cause?" demanded Strange.

"He wanted to be like Mama Spider Romanoff and tried to spy on the actual source of the beasts but him being an idiot teen tipped them off and that's when they sent the beasts after him, it's not on the recording because he had to make a break for it then."

Strange pinched the bridge of his nose with a heavy sigh of annoyance. "So you're saying he wasn't safe till you two found him."

"This city is a safe haven for the weird, and he's as weird as teens come these days, of course he's safe. They weren't here for him though so he might be safer back in your city, your problem now that the field trip is over."

"But you don't know who or what they are or what they're even doing here."

"If they're still here and still a problem, we'll take care of it, if they moved on, well then, tough titties for the people they're hounding. We're not the Avengers, we're not going out of our way to do good when we just wanna live in peace."

He glared at me through Loki before actually returning his attention to Loki who still stood in front of me protectively. "You know you'd be off the list quicker if you had stayed with Tony."

"You'll find I don't really give a damn about what you think is a better option for me, Strange. We aren't here for good or for evil, and I'm sure whatever path we choose for ourselves, you'll still consider us both a danger to the world so why bother trying to change paths when we'll still reach the same destination in your eyes?" Loki replied smoothly.

"And what happened to the whole innocent until proven guilty thing this entire country's law is based on or do you make your own laws in the wizarding world just so you can always be right?" I challenged.

"He led the invasion of New York, that makes him guilty."

"He didn't lead it, he was following the same orders as the rest of the aliens, he just had different armor so you automatically assume he's in charge based on his looks. You can't punish someone for following orders, that's against the Geneva Protocol and Conventions. Just how many laws are you going to twist here?"

He returned his glare at me full force. "None if you play your cards right. If this other problem gets out of hand, you'll be seeing me again."

"But you won't see us," retorted Loki with a smirk.

Strange narrowed his eyes at Loki once more before walking back into the circle of light he came out of and disappeared.

"What a weezing bag of assholes," I muttered.

Loki turned around to face me and offered me his arm. "Shall we leave this ruined mood and place?"

"Don't have to ask twice." I took his arm happily and was engulfed in green mist once more.


	7. Every God Has His Day

Zari stood over an old fashioned map of Salem holding one of Loki's daggers, a scrying crystal hanging down from it that she swung around the map lightly. "So hellhounds huh?"

"Isn't this city blessed by you girls?" I asked curiously. "Shouldn't they not be able to walk on hallowed grounds?"

"Someone must have broken the spell for them to not only walk around here but go after random people on command, someone with strong demonic ties," she informed me. "You think they're still here?"

"They were looking for something powerful in this city, Peter was just an idiot in the way, now that he's back where he belongs, he's not in their way so they've no reason to leave now, right?" I replied.

"Seems legit." It was then the crystal tugged itself out of her hand and dropped onto a specific part of town. "That's here though..."

"Something you wanna share with the class?" I asked her since we were in her house so it would be in her possession.

"I might be a great voodoo priestess but the most powerful thing in here is you, hun."

"This house is still protected and warded, right?" I asked worriedly.

"Always."

"Well then, brace yourself, hounds are coming." I summoned my ceremonial dagger while Zari was murmuring an incantation and pulling out a bottle of something I hoped was some kind of concoction against beasties. We waited side by side where we stood for something to happen in case her own enchantments were broken for the beasts like they were for the city.

"If I die from hellhounds, I'm haunting your ass into insanity," Zari told me.

"I'd just exorcise you, people keep threatening me with that but y'all ain't special once you're dead."

"I call bullshit, you hate exorcising, anyone that knows you knows that."

"There are a fuckton of things I hate but don't do anything to change so your argument is invalid."

At that point we both jumped out of our skins when someone suddenly knocked on the front door. "Zari, is she in there with you?" a familiar voice called from outside.

I turned to Zari with a frown. "You scryed for Loki not the hound's blood on his blade, didn't you?"

Zari relaxed but glared back at me. "Yeah, you can come in, door's unlocked! I did not scry for him, what kinda priestess do you take me for here? I know what I looked for and it wasn't him."

The door opened as we both tucked away our weapons while bickering at each other before I poked my head out of the kitchen entrance to see Loki shifting from his civilian clothes to his lounge robes as he walked in and spotted me checking him out. He grinned, seeing me from the kitchen and took one step toward me before I spotted movement behind him.

"Loki, hit the ground, now!"

For someone who hated being told what to do all the time, being a prince at one point in his life and a shadow of another prince most of his life, he was surprisingly good at taking commands as he was on his stomach on the floor quite quickly and rolled away from the door he came in from. Then came the hound, bigger than the other two we saw, that lunged over him, hit the wall in front of Loki, then changed directions and went for me as I tried to reach Loki myself. I didn't even get a chance to run or drop before it barreled into me and knocked me onto my back, claws slashing through clothes and flesh, its sheer weight keeping me down. Zari threw the glass bottle of goo she had brought out moments earlier at it and while it seemed to sizzle and steam on the beast's body, that did nothing more than piss it off as it growled and shook off the concoction. It continued to tear into me, black blood spraying everywhere as it did and soaking me as well while I tried to wiggle out from under it. Zari kept throwing things at it but it either dodged or shook them off and snarled at her. The beast was then suddenly thrown off of me and unfortunately for Zari out a window she'd have to replace indefinitely later. Loki stood by me for a second, glancing down at me with a fierce look on his face.

"Stay here, I'll be right back." He then walked right back outside, a dagger in each hand.

Zari helped me up and we both went to where he had thrown the beast through the window to watch him slice up the thing swiftly yet mercilessly, making damn sure it stayed dead and wasn't just playing dead like most dogs could do. "I fucking told you I was doing it right!" she exclaimed.

I scoffed. "You also told me this place was protected, what the fuck was that?!"

"It is protected, whatever's sending them our way must have found a loophole, I don't know how it could've just waltzed in here like that!"

Loki then walked back into the house and snapped his fingers at the window which fixed itself perfectly like something out of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. He then headed for me, all torn up and bloody but slowly healing. "You all right, love?"

"This is why I'm a cat person," I muttered.

"If you were alive, I could heal you or at least speed up your healing but..."

"Yeah I know, your magic reverses mine so it would probably be counterproductive. Don't worry about it, tis but a scratch."

Loki of course wasn't convinced considering I was still bleeding out as supernaturally caused wounds like that took a little bit longer to heal than say a gun or blade wound made by boring ass mortals. He looked over at Zari then. "If you don't mind, we'll be leaving."

"We will?" I asked him curiously.

"Normally I would but I get the feeling those dogs are hunting either of you two and I want none of that. Take care of her for me though," Zari replied.

Loki nodded stiffly before pulling me away from her and against him gently and we were back at our place in a poof of green mist. He wasted no time in tearing off my top to inspect the slowly healing dog scratches, summoning first aid supplies with his magic and taking some gauze from it to try and slow down the bleeding while I lay on the couch. 

"You don't need to worry about me so much," I told him quietly, gaining his gaze for the moment. "I wasn't resurrected just to perish from a few cuts and blood loss."

"It's my right to worry about you no matter what your purpose is here, you are still mine and I always take the greatest care in what belongs to me."

I reached up to cup his face in one hand as our eyes met. "Lady Catalie is the designated softy here remember."

"You'll want me softer once I'm proven right that furball isn't what you think it is."

"I want you in whatever you can give me."

"Don't I know it," he mused. "So why aren't these healing already?"

"Side effects of dodging them below is slower responses when they catch up here."

A knock interrupted our evening nap while I healed but before I could even tell the knockers to fuck off, Loki was up and back in leather and armor and answering the door. I opened my mouth to attempt to convince him to ignore the door or at least pretend to look more human when answering the door and not like Earth's most wanted war criminal but he turned back before answering with a finger to his lips to shush me and I did for some unknown reason, let the god have his day. He slowly opened the door while producing a dagger behind his back.

"Can I help you?" he asked in a tone that would've given Severus Snape a run for his money.

"It has come to our attention that you are living here unregistered and unmonitored while being a war criminal and an illegal alien and we can't let that slide," an almost robotic male voice replied from outside. 

"Are you certain you want to challenge me when it took all of the Avengers, super powered mortals born to save the world, to get me to comply? Not to mention the same people allowed me to stay here and had me under what you mortals call house arrest till I was released on good behavior under the assumption my past would be swept under the rug," Loki challenged.

"The Avengers are not the actual law enforcement of the planet nor upholders of the law so what they did with you doesn't clear you of anything. If you don't comply willingly, we'll do this by force."

Loki scoffed at this. "You're welcome to try but you'll also need a warrant to get to me first and I see no such paperwork in any of your hands, only guns, how very Midgardian American of you."

"American laws don't apply to intergalactic criminals only American citizens."

"You mortals have tried subduing me before, your guns won't work now either. What's more is you'll be seen shooting at an unarmed Salem citizen that's been welcomed into the community of other magic users who won't take your puritanical methods well or lightly."

"And just how are they going to know about this when your house is pretty secluded?"

"Hi there, see this little thing? This is my phone recording everything you're about to do and no law lets you take, confiscate, or erase anything on it," I spoke up, walking over to where Loki stood and holding up my phone as I was actually recording it. "I'm also willing to bet you don't want the public to know about your existence here, you're cleaners after all, so going viral could essentially get you shut down I bet."

"Who are you?" demanded the man that looked every bit the corrupt government official he was.

"I'm the beginning of your end if you don't end this now and leave us. You think he's a threat? When the locals see their favorite space warlock being threatened by a little muggle like yourself, guess who's gonna be cursed into insanity for disturbing the peace? You go against one magic user here, you go against all of us and sugar, you ain't got that kind of power to survive a city-wide coven."

"You don't scare me, girl," he spat and made a move to either get closer to me or into the house but either way, Loki easily moved as well to block him from both.

"We didn't invite you in and you have nothing on you to allow you access so I suggest you move along or things won't end well for you," Loki growled.

"Like us releasing the names of a fuckton of people that have gone missing or died under mysterious circumstances that lead back to you. Does the names Joe Crone or Matt Kroger mean anything to you? How about Lucy Cote or Paulina LeBalle?" the ghosts angrily swirling around the official whispered their names in my ear seeing they had maybe a sliver of a chance of getting revenge, I gave them the power to haunt his dreams and be his poltergeists wherever he was stationed.

The man looked rattled by me knowing the names as I'm sure they were top secret and whatnot. "This isn't over." With that, he and his guards with the guns left the property.

"I had it under control, you didn't have to get up," Loki assured me.

"You were taking too long and your silver tongue doesn't work on everyone, sugarpants. Besides, it worked, didn't it?"

"Not the point, love. I wanted to give you a break from always defending me by doing that for you."

"You have and you will."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because you're clever and stubborn as fuck, I'm sure you'll find a way or get your chance at some point and we're not going anywhere anytime soon so plenty of time for it."

Loki smirked, murmuring an enchantment before closing the door and returning his attention to me. "You know me so well."

"What did you do just now after they left?"

"Strengthened the cloaking spell on this place and us so nothing on this planet can monitor us, especially since we seem to be targets from something more dangerous than your government. Otherwise, we'll draw their attention even more since they found us."

I grinned and dropped back on the couch, Loki returning as well and allowing me to rest my head on his lap.

"So I'm Salem's favorite male magic user eh?" prodded Loki after we settled back down.

"I plead the fifth."

"Oh come on, I must know."

"No, because if I confirmed that, your ego wouldn't fit in the house and you'd have to sleep outside with the hellhounds."

He held a hand to his chest in mock offense. "I'm not that bad."

"No, you're worse."

"I've had no complaints about the size thus far."

"There is only so far I can stretch to fit you before things start to feel real uncomfortable. You might not be Thor but I'd still like to walk after."


	8. You Could've Had a Bad Witch

"Sometimes I think about all that's changed about this country and wish we had a Purge night," I confessed to Loki while going over inventory at my shop.

"Remind me again what a Purge night is," he suggested.

"It's when all laws are put on pause and you can literally do whatever the fuck you want for one night but also it's movie franchise about that happening."

"So you can basically break all the laws of the land with no repercussions for one night? Why?"

"According to the movie, it's for the good of the country, the crime rate goes down as does the murders and every other bad thing about society because it's mostly done then when they have nothing to worry about after." 

"Why do you personally want that to happen when you're essentially unstoppable, unkillable and could probably get away with literal murder if you used a zombie to kill who you want?"

"It feels different then, even though I probably would still get away with it, somewhere inside me I'd still worry about the aftermath catching up to me in some way, I'd still have my conscience warning me that will bite me in the ass later."

"It's such a nice ass too, be a shame for something to mar it like that."

I snickered and finished inventory. It was then the worst customer of the year walked into my shop and I wished I had a magic to ward certain people from certain places as she walked into my store and looked at all the stuff I was selling. I watched her stiffly, Loki beside me as well in his civilian disguise as "Tom" so he wouldn't scare off customers from out of town that hadn't quite accepted his somewhat domesticated life here.

"I wouldn't have pegged you for a shop owner," she stated while eying some antique jewelry.

"I wouldn't have pegged you for a tourist," I retorted.

"I wouldn't go that far, tourists just want to stop at every cool place and see the sights, I'm after something specific here."

"And what's that?"

"I told you you won't get answers from me unless you join me."

"You've had more chances with me before this than should be legal, move on and leave. There's plenty more fish in the sea than just me."

"None of the other fish can give me what you offer."

"I'm offering nothing, what you want from me is for me alone, that's why I left you, it's not up for grabs for whoever I'm with. No means no, Davia, not a hard concept, only two letters."

"Why should only you have that power? How selfish are you to keep that for yourself?" she walked over to me and it took all my willpower to stand my ground and not instinctively move away.

"If that power was meant for you then you'd have it too, it's that simple, but you don't so deal with it."

"I had you and you had it, that should've sufficed."

"Had, past tense," I growled, desperately wanting to rip her throat out with my bare hands. "Nothing sufficed with you, you always demanded more and when you didn't get what you want, I suffered for it. It was always take, take, take with you till there was nothing left of me to give and you still weren't satisfied." Rage burned through the coldness of death inside me, long hidden beneath the laidback coolness and indifference. "There is nothing left for you here."

"You almost had me convinced last we talked, but if there's anger then there's still residual feelings, rage and love are cousins."

"You were safer last time, indifference means there's no reason to bother with you. Rage means I want you ripped into pieces and scattered throughout the world so there's not even the slightest chance of you coming back from my wrath."

"You could've gone after me before you left, yet you didn't."

"Clearly you've never been heartbroken then or maybe you just don't have a heart to know what that feels like when you're in so much internal pain all you want to do is die to make it stop. The kind of pain where going after the cause of it will only make it worse so your only option is to get away from the pain and hide till it makes you numb." I glared into those empty soulless eyes of hers and wondered if she felt anything at all besides insatiable hunger for things she couldn't have. "How many women lined up for you the moment I left you? Or did you just go for them all?"

"No one could replace you."

"You mean no one could give you what you thought I would've if I stayed."

She shrugged at this. "I could've done far worse to you than what you think I did. I could've simply forced what I wanted from you and left you for dead when I had it, instead I took you in and gave you what you didn't even know you needed from me. I gave you my body, my company, my home when you needed it."

"Why didn't you then?" I challenged. "Why didn't you leave me for dead?"

"That would've been such a waste when you had so much more I wanted, especially when you're warm and willing." She purred the last part out with bedroom eyes. "I'm sure there's some things you could never replace with me."

"When everything about you, every memory, every moment is tainted with pain, I don't want a replacement, I want a bigass upgrade...and I did immeasurably." I glanced over at Loki who winked at me in turn as our eyes met.

"Him?" demanded Davia, following my gaze. "Thought you liked the ladies."

"I like all people that know how to treat me right, gender ain't an issue. What? You thought you got me hooked on people like you? Bitch, please."

She now decided to turn her attention to him and stepped away from me to check out Loki who regarded her with veiled disdain and narrowed eyes. "You know she plays with dead things, right?"

I cackled at this as it reminded me of an old pickup line. "Mostly people, animals deserve their final rest."

Loki chuckled at my reply as well. "We all have our odd little hobbies, don't we? Is there something I can help you with?" he asked her in forced yet smoothed over politeness.

"You can help me by letting her go so I can have her," Davia replied swiftly.

"Besides the fact she clearly on more than one occasion told you she's not interested, I'm also not interested in letting her go. If you knew her at all, you'd know when she makes up her mind, it stays set no matter who's involved in it."

I beamed at this and to emphasize our mutual point, I moved over to where he stood and leaned back against him so he could wrap his arms around me possessively yet comfortably. She looked at me expectantly then back at Loki with narrowed unconvinced eyes before scoffing at the two of us, shrugging, and leaving the store finally. I relaxed more against Loki behind me, not wanting him to let go of me anymore than he stated so, but took one of his hands from around me and brought it up to kiss the back of it. With his free arm, he squeezed me against him more in turn. He knew I wouldn't kneel to him, I was pretty short compared to his freakishly tall stature even on my tiptoes but kissing the hand of royalty was as close as I'd get to showing loyalty to one.

"What are you thinking now?" he murmured.

"I should send what's left of Hydra a gift basket, seems only right I should thank them for sending you to me."

"I'm almost certain your more agreeable ex scattered the rest of them to the wind so they'd never bother us again."

"Yeah, probably, he's extra like that." I pulled out of his grasp to turn around and pop myself up onto the double paned thick glass counter behind me so I was more level with him. Loki was swift to place himself between my legs, his hands sliding up them causing me to shiver as his magic turned me alive for a moment.

"We're not going to get any work done this way," he warned me though made no move the change the course of action he took in closing the distance between us.

"We're not exactly bustling with people right now, what work do we even have?" I countered.

He responded by kissing me deeply before reluctantly pulling away. "Someone's about to come in." He turned around and to the side of me just as the door to the shop opened again.

In walked a cool glass of water in the form of a guy in faded black studded pants and a leather jacket, sandy blond hair in a stylish mess almost to his shoulders and stubble that seemed to work for him despite the fact he otherwise looked like he couldn't be more than 25. He didn't say a word but looked around at my products with an intense curiosity for a long moment before he did actually speak up.

"Did you make the handcrafted ones yourself?" He looked directly at me with the same intensity.

"Anything to beat boredom," I replied easily.

"Oh I'm sure there's other ways to pass the time," he flirted.

I blinked in surprise, was he not aware I was making out with someone right next to me moments earlier? "Not all of them pay the bills though."

He chuckled at this. "Fair point. I heard it's crazy expensive to live here with it being a tourist trap by the sea, a historical one at that. Such a lively city this is too, for one that was practically built with bodies and bloodshed."

"So is the Great Wall of China and that's one of the great wonders of the world, most great things are made from blood, sweat, and bodies."

"It doesn't bother you how often people have to die in order to reach greatness?"

"Death is only the beginning," I replied smoothly. "No sacrifice, no glory. You can't summon a demon just by asking it nicely, first you gotta find the right virgin."

He chuckled at this. "Those still exist?"

"You're asking the wrong person."

He grinned at this. "Good to know. Virgins aren't that great anyway, I don't know why they're preferred in the rituals."

"Blood of an innocent, untainted soul," I answered easily. "Like a freshly picked mango fruit just ripened."

"You sound like you say that from experience..."

"I dabbled back in the day. Some people tried drugs, some people tried crimes, I tried people."

"And what were the results of that experiment?"

"They're not bad I guess, if you wanna pass the time or fill a void that just keeps growing in you. I've since refined my taste though, too much of a somewhat good thing can lead to heart problems and many cavities."

"How much have you refined your taste then?"

"I'm down to one man, not subject to change that either, and sorry not sorry, you ain't on the menu if you're offering."

"The thought had crossed my mind. I'm guessing the man planning a hundred ways to murder me in his head beside you is the man on your menu."

I smirked at this. "It's more than a hundred."

Loki shifted his gaze to me then and beamed at me. "You know me so well."

"How many of those ways would you get away with murder?" I asked curiously.

"If Purge Night was real, all of them."

I snickered. "Clever man."

"Lucky man," interjected the potential customer watching us. "I'm sure the line after him is a long wait."

"At the moment it seems to be just one distraught ex girlfriend who can't take a fucking hint."

The new dude's eyebrows nearly disappeared into his hairline at that comment. "What aren't you into?"

"Buttstuff," I replied dryly. "Adultery too, but buttstuff is a harder pass."

He nodded in seemingly understanding as he continued to peruse the store then stopped in front of something Loki had actually contributed to the store, one of the many books he somehow managed to save before his realm was destroyed but one he wouldn't lament being rid of. I had told him when he offered it that it being a priceless relic from a fallen kingdom should mean it shouldn't be sold at all as that makes it beyond valuable but he insisted he didn't need it and wanted to help me with my business however possible so we compromised and it is on sale for more than the majority of tourists and locals can afford.

"Is this legit?" he asked.

"Donated by an anonymous source, looks like it though," Loki answered this time, getting his attention.

"How much?"

"How much you got?" I replied. "We accept most forms of payment which include but aren't limited to virgin sacrifices, firstborn children, a box of kittens, and dragon's scales."

"Why dragon's scales?" asked Loki.

"Why not dragon's scales?"

"We also accept cash, especially for one of a kind relics like that one you're looking at," Loki informed him.

"So I can roll in the doe later," I added.

"Don't paint images like that in other men's heads, love," he warned. "You're sending him mixed messages."

"The only message there is I want all the money he can offer if he wants that book, anything else he comes up with is on him."

"Anyone else interested in this book?" asked the dude curiously.

"No one's offered anything though they do like to look at it longingly," I told him.

"That the only thing you have that's not from this world?"

I couldn't help but grin at the question. "Oh I've a few other things here and there that I kept for myself, there might be more where that came from at some later point but for right now that's it on the table." I glanced over at Loki considering he fit into that category too who winked at me playfully.

"I can't offer anything now, but I'll certainly be back at your store while I'm here for the week at some point," the new dude informed me. "You have such an interesting little shop here hidden among all the tourist traps." He bowed his head politely before leaving the store.

"That's now two people in one that wants your attention and isn't me, aren't you the popular one," Loki noted.

"This is fast becoming one of those Bella Swan trash fanfics, gods help us all."


	9. Just Flerken With You

"I really don't see what all the fuss is about," I told Loki that evening after we closed up shop.

"Really? Two people in a row made a pass at you and you're not at all bothered by it?" he retorted.

"The first one ain't got a snowball's chance in hell no matter where she pops up and how. The second one is worrying only in that who in their right fucking mind would want to shag a walking corpse because aside from you being the least judging person I know aside from Zari, that is exactly what I am here. No one's lining up to get my number because they think I'll bite them and turn them into a zombie too, and I like it that way, better to be feared than loved. So you gotta ask yourself, what's his angle here, what does he really want from me because it sure as hell ain't a body that looks like it only recently came from a grave. He's probably after something we sell, figured out I was the owner or whatever, and hoped he could smooth talk me into dropping the price of it. Big fucking deal. Relax, put away the daggers, and come cuddle dammit or I'm replacing you with the cat."

The last part got his attention quick enough and he scowled at me though the daggers in his hands disappeared as quick as they came. "You will do no such thing with the flerken."

"Then stop being an overprotective boyfriend," I shot back. "This ain't some horribly written fanfic where I'm just so beautiful that our relationship is threatened by a third party, I'm a dead chick walking here. I still haven't figured out why you want me and I've known you far longer than that dude at the shop. He's not after me though, I can tell you that."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I know a necrophiliac when I fuck one," I told him dryly. "And I can tell he prefers them live, I mean the dude's a millenial from the looks of it and they're all about getting the fresh and organic stuff."

He stared at me for a long hard moment before he visibly relaxed, seemingly accepting my response as a good enough one to let it go if only for a moment. "This still doesn't sit well with me."

"C'est la vie," I told him. "I got bad vibes from him too but if I went after every person I got that from, I'd have a longer murder list than you do."

"You didn't seem bothered by his 'vibes'."

"Because people tend to pick up on that and use it to their advantage, me recoiling or keeping my distance would've had him at least subconsciously trying to dominate me. Men are dogs and dogs can sense unease pretty damn easy."

"So that was an act back there with you?"

I smirked. "You didn't pick up on that? Did I just fool the god of mischief and lies?"

"I was a bit preoccupied wanting to murder him and drag his corpse through town."

"How very Roman of you. Yes it was an act, you know where my loyalty lies, everyone else is cannon fodder. Listen, it's adorable you acting like you need to protect me here all the time but of the two of us, you're the more vulnerable one."

"Please stop saying that."

"Why?"

"You know why, I don't like to be reminded of my own mortality, no one does, it makes me feel small and weak."

"You're a fucking Frost Giant, nothing's small about you!"

He almost smirked at this as the corners of his lips twitched but he still managed to keep a serious expression while watching me collapse on the couch Lady Catalie was keeping warm for me, scurrying off before I could squish her. "You've protected me from so much since we met without hesitation, what good am I to you if I can't do that in turn?"

"You're the best in the bedroom," I offered.

"Noelle."

I growled, there was a reason I preferred to be called Nell instead, I hated Christmas and the name reminded me of it. "Boyfriends aren't tools though, they're not exactly coveted for their usefulness, but then again I'm more versed in girlfriends so maybe I might be off the mark there. If you're so worried about that still, for whatever reason, then by all means protect me when I'm unable to myself, I couldn't stop you if I tried. But while we're on the subject of past deeds here, you were the one that freed me from Hydra, that should count for something compared to protecting you from my enemies as they're supposed to be my problem alone."

"Except they're not as you're not alone anymore so whatever comes our way, we deal with it together," he reminded me.

"Minor details," I brushed off. "I'm not with you because you're useful to me, I'm with you because I love you....and you're amazing in bed."

"You could've just stopped at because you love me."

"But that's not the whole and honest truth then and you claim no one can lie to the god of lies despite you not picking up on my act earlier."

"You're not gonna let that go, are you?"

I grinned and stretched out on the couch. "Where's the fun in that?"

He scooped up my legs so he could sit on the couch beside me and I took that chance to sit up and straddle him where he sat, his hands instantly on my waist. We looked into each other's eyes for a long moment, just taking in each other's every feature without a word. "You might be a dead woman to the eyes of Midgardian mortals, but to me you're so much more than that. Perhaps it's more a blessing that you're feared more than loved by most men, that means more for me in the end."

"As if sharing me was even an option," I teased. "We both know you don't like sharing anything you get a hold of."

"You must have been an only child then," he sassed back. "Clearly you don't understand why that's not possible."

"Oh I understand, it was just so tough being the younger prince in the family, he got so much more servants doting on him than you did."

Loki growled at me sassing him. "That's no way to talk to royalty."

"This is America, hun, we left that kinda lifestyle behind us in England."

"Oh yes, I read about your country's little backstory. Curious how such a tiny little country like England at one point dominated the world."

"Ambitious little bunch, aren't they? Ironic how Brits are all the rage these days, they have all the best celebrities, bombass style and class, and the best accents of the European bunch. Sometimes the best things come in small packages...unless its you."

Something dawned on Loki judging by his expression as he looked far away for a moment. "The accent of the man in Peter's recording, that's not from this country is it?"

"Nah, that's from the other side of the world, Australia, mate. Close to British but has a bit a drawl to it like our southern accent, dangerous country that is, if the heat doesn't kill you, every damned creature aside from humans can. If there is a hell on earth, it's that country."

"Then it's a good thing we're staying here in our own slice of heaven as you call it."

"With you, almost any place could be," I assured him. "Aside from Australia and Texas."

"What's wrong with Texas?"

"It's like Straya with the heat but instead of wildlife killing you, it's the people. 12/10 would not recommend visiting."

"Would think that's your kind of place, all that potential death."

"I'm not usually picky about what kind person I raise from the grave but I'm willing to bet most of the dead down there are as bad as the living and I want none of that."

"How bad are they?"

"If you aren't a white American born and raised God fearing but believing man, you're as good as dead and dirt to them."

"Not entirely unlike most Asgardians then," he muttered. "We shall avoid these places as I assume we'll both stick out worse there than anything."

"Or you'll just melt into a puddle being made of Frost and all," I joked.

"Oh no, that's entirely your job when I'm done with you," he growled.

"Promises promises."

"You're right, how the hell do we get anything done these days?" I asked later that night.

"Magic," was his simply but true answer.

"Ah yes, that thing that makes us awesome, how could I forget?"

"You never did have the sharpest memory," he teased.

"Quiet you, with your old age, I'm sure you're not far behind."

"I'm sure you can attest I was right behind you just minutes earlier," he purred in my ear.

"Earlier than that you were worried I'd be stolen by an ex and some random Aussie after my loot." I grabbed my phone and turned on a certain app. "Shame." The sound of a dinner bell rang twice. "Shame." Another two rings.

"You are not comparing me to a failure of an incestuous queen that died being crushed by her own castle," he growled.

"Which character should I compare you to then?" I challenged.

"Dare I say Jon Snow?"

I scoffed at this. "One of the few men that didn't want to be king? I'm sorry, weren't you after the throne of Asgard at one point? If you chose him just because he was a stolen prince raised to believe one thing and never told the truth till it was too late, you gotta let that shit go, hun. Or was it because Snow and Frost are kinda the same thing?"

"And who would you be then?" he demanded. "Danaerys?"

"Breaker of chains and mother of dragons? Nah, while dragons are undeniably awesome and a lifelong dream of mine, I'm not that much of a monster to burn a city down just to reach the queen in the middle of it. I'm more of an Arya type of girl despite her killing what all the pop culture enthusiast Avengers compare me to. I don't want a throne or anything fancy, I only lead the dead when they offer their help in my battles, beyond that, I'm just another peasant."

"Oh love, as long as you're with me, you're considered royalty anyway."

"To who? The other surviving Asgardians living here? Do they even care at this point?"

Loki growled and rolled over so he was on top of me, an arm on either side of my head, his eyes burning into mine. "You are to me, you'll always be my queen."

"Can't I just be your consort and sometimes bodyguard?"

"That's going to be a definite hard pass as you Midgardians say on the second one, you will do no such thing of that nature if I have any say about it."

"But I'm so good at it," I teased.

"There are other things you are good at concerning me that I'd rather you focus on than acting as a bodyguard, considering you can't even cover more than half of my body with yours."

I blinked at his implication at the beginning then scowled up at him for the second one. "As your lover, I encourage from time to time, and always in a respectful manner to question my logic. If you're unconvinced a certain plan of action isn't the wisest, tell me so, but allow me to convince you and I promise you right here and now, no subject will ever be taboo. Except of course the subject you just brought up now. The price you pay for bringing up my lack of height is I fucking dominate you in any way I see fit." And just like that, I was the one above him, straddling him in the blink of an eye, nails raking down his bare chest. "Just like this."

That was as far as I got with him as the sound of crashing and heavy footsteps were heard on the floor below us and we both paused before I hopped off him and scrambled to find clothes to face the intruders with. Loki of course just magicked himself in his battle garb once more and was already up and heading out of the bedroom while I was pulling on pants and a hoodie. "Stay here, love, anyone that's gotten past my security spells without sounding the alarm and bursting into flames is my responsibility to face and fix."

I shrugged and while still pulling on clothes just in case, stayed in the room but listened intently nonetheless in case he needed help. Following Loki leaving the room was some shouts of surprise, the sound of what I assumed was a struggle, something heavy hitting the floor and silence before I heard footsteps coming my way and instinctively summoned death magic into my hands as the door burst open to my room and a dude that also couldn't be more than 30 with a nose piercing and spiky blond hair stepped in.

"Ello, love," he chirped in a definite Aussie accent, seeing me.

"Password," I shot back snarkily.

"Comply or else?" he responded uncertainly with a cheeky grin.

I was about to shoot him out of the house with an energy blast but was suddenly thrown onto my back and pinned by yet another fucking hellhound. "So these mutts are yours then," I grunted, narrowly avoiding the growling, drooling beast on top of me. "You know there's leashlaws here, right? What kind of irresponsible owner are you?"

The guy walked into my bedroom and looked down at me with a smirk as the beast dug his claws into my chest yet again. "Afraid they'll eat all your witches familiars?" he sneered.

Before I could even retort to that, the beast suddenly stood alert while still on me, no longer tearing me apart and growled before a bunch of bigass long Kracken-like tentacles came out from under my bed and grabbed onto the dog, yanking it off me and under the bed it came from. The dude still standing had the most delightful face of fear and horror seeing his pet get eaten but before he could do anything a fancy Asgardian dagger embedded itself deep in his chest and he was down and dead as Loki appeared in the doorway. Lady Catalie walked out from under the bed then, licking her chops and then nudging me with her head, the faint smell of hell on her usually fishy breath. Loki shoved his blade just a bit deeper before yanking it out of his own prey and kneeling down to help me onto the bed while eyeing the cat then smirking at me also eyeing the cat.

"That proves nothing," I growled at him.

"Oh? So all your earth felines do that normally?" he mocked.

"The bigger ones do? What do we do with all the bodies? I assume you took care of the rest?"

"All too easy, could barely consider that sport," he muttered. "Made sure they stayed down though, just in case."

Lady Catalie took that chance to eat the body of Loki's last kill before prowling outside and hopefully going after his others.

"You can't get rid of her now, she's really good at getting rid of household pests."

Loki glared at me but sighed in defeat. "Have it your way, now let's see about those ugly wounds marring a perfectly good chest."

"How do you even reward that kind of kitty anyway? Kinda feel like normal kitty treats won't be enough when it ate a bunch of freshly dead bodies and a hellhound."

"I told you before not to worry about it, they tend to take care of themselves anyway."

"I'm fairly certain I told you that about me and you totally disregarded that so I mean, door swings both ways there."

"That's different, you're mine, you literally just found that thing and took it home with you."

"That's exactly what you did with me! You found me in Hydra and decided to summon a home for me!" Apparently even though there was no heat or stress in my argument it was still enough an exasperation to worsen the wounds and black blood bubbled out of my mouth. "Aw fuck me."

"Not till you're healed, my love," he cooed then ripped off my shirt to expose the dog scratches that ruined yet another perfectly good outfit and then some.

"Well hello, nurse."


	10. Broads Before Gods

"How the hell do you keep attracting the coollest aliens, first Loki and Thor, then this kitty that apparently isn't your average domesticated kitty," Zari asked me over brunch the next day.

"I mean you're not wrong but I attract other stuff too, stuff I'd rather they be repelled by me. Hydra, rogue necromancers, hellhounds, bad Aussies that should've stayed in that criminal-centric country, crazy exes. The list does go on."

"Of all the people you had to date though, a blood witch? What were you thinking?"

"Life was short and she was hot mostly."

"What did you think with Loki then?"

"That's one green mountain I wouldn't mind climbing."

"It's all about sex with you isn't it?"

"Like you even have to ask."

"Is he as good in bed as he looks?"

"The absolute best I've ever had and you know me, I've had a lot. I wouldn't trade him for anything and anyone, I swear the second the two of us are alone and things have calmed down, we can't get enough of each other."

"Who knew he was into dead things?" she teased me.

"Hey, don't knock it till you try it."

"I have tried you, remember?"

"I wasn't nearly that dead when we tried that though, don't think that really counts."

I shrugged and sipped my mimosa leisurely, the two of us enjoying the peace during our girls day wrapped up in blankets as and sharing girl stuff with each other. Girls day almost didn't happen as Loki didn't want to leave me alone with hellhounds seemingly thinking I'm their scooby snack and not being able to stop them most of the time and he was even more unconvinced we saw the last of them despite figuring out who sent them here and killing them too. That actually made sense as mortals couldn't control or summon hellhounds on their own, so the dudes that broke into our home had to first break Loki's spells of security and protection which isn't possible for any mere mortal to do, and then get a hellhound on me once inside. They had to have help from someone powerful for any of that to be possible which meant we weren't out of the hellfire yet and that's exactly what Loki was doing while I was enjoying girl time, looking for answers if there were any. He also was checking on the shop, one thing we agreed on was that it was a potential target for the dude that was flirting with me the other day, he wanted something in there, if not the book of Loki's then something like that. Loki didn't want me at the shop though despite it being mine, I didn't argue with him though, we didn't need to be together all the time and I was hoping to prove I didn't need his protection all the time by separating and doing my own thing for a day. 

"He a good kisser too? Can't really imagine it well with the whole lack of lips he's got," Zari interrupted my train of thought.

"Trust me, he pleases me in every possible way imaginable and then some. That god is fucking addicting and I'm not gonna quit him anytime soon."

"And he knows about you?"

"He met Cro."

"Damn girl, that must mean he's in it for the long haul then, dude's met two of your exes now, one that breaks and one that makes you."

"I met one of his parents too, I mean it doesn't get more serious than meeting one's mother."

"Honey, even I know he favored his mother and you got to meet her, what was it like? What was she like?"

"Dead mostly. I mean she was haunting him, the poor lady, but even before I got that close with him, she was the one that assured me during our first battle together that he was trustworthy and I shouldn't leave his side as he wouldn't leave mine."

"How have the mediums not hung you out to dry yet since you moved here? I mean the ones that make a living out of what you do in your spare time or even the phonies."

"Probably afraid I'd send the real spirits to haunt them if they tried," I mused. "Not gonna lie, I probably would too."

Zari cackled at this, not a fan of the fakes of the city either. "You think I'd make a good Horsemen?"

"Which one would you wanna be?"

"War sounds fun."

"We'd make a great tag team during the end of times, you bring the destruction and I collect the bodies, we'd be unstoppably cool you and I, more than we already are."

"Kinda miss our teamups before you got snatched and all, you and me against the world."

"I'm not leaving you behind just because I finally found someone to settle down and kick ass with, I won't be one of those girls, that's why we're doing what we're doing now, keep the bond strong. Besides, who else can I gush to about my new dude?"

"Preach it, sistah!"

That just spurred me to get into character then and I stood up and raised my hands to the heaven. "When he does it so good that I'm lucky enough to remember only his name and nothing else, can I get an amen?! When he finds sweet spots I didn't know I had dead or alive, can I get an amen?! When all it takes is a simple but seductive suggestion from his lips to make me weak in the knees, I said can I get an amen?!"

"Oh happy days!" sang Zari. "There is only one god and that is the god of mischief and what do we say to the god of michief?!"

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good!" I called out.

She gave me a high five before we cackled and danced together like the crazyass witches we were. "Let's have him over for dinner tonight!"

"You sure you wanna end girls day with a dude?" I asked curiously.

"He's such a sweety though, any other dude I'd agree with you on but I love him almost as much as you do. Such good company with the best stories."

"Well he is the god of lies too you know. But I shall convey the message, will be a nice change for him, usually he just has me for dinner."

"Ah that's why he's known as being silvertongued."

"Damn right."

"You lucky witch, who do I have to summon to get that kind of treatment?"

"Depends who you'd go down on your knees for," I teased.

"Let my body be my altar, right?" she joked back.

"Good thing not all gods need virgins, or we'd be godless heathens."

Loki found us that evening, at least mildly drunk on some kind of booze Zari had stashed in her house and literally dancing around a crockpot reciting the recipe for witches brew from Shakespeare's Macbeth while tossing in ingredients for chili. This was witch city after all, if you weren't at least a little witchy yourself, what the hell were you doing here? He glanced curiously at the pot while we chanted double double toil and trouble before sending me an amused look as we continued to drunkenly make dinner and cackle.

"Having fun without me, I see," he cooed while enjoying the show.

"Loki, God of Lies, Mischief, Tricks, and MindBlowing Sex!" called Zari happily.

"Just Loki will suffice," he replied smoothly while one eyebrow went up accusingly at me.

"Will more than suffice with me, that's for damn sure," I stated. "Try it, all I can taste right now is more wine."

"It's not often I see you this drunk, love, but I'm going to assume you're one of those people that spills useless secrets when they reach that point," he noted while obliging me and taking the wooden spoon from the pot. "What is this called?"

"What happens when you leave a pepper out in the cold? It becomes chili! Right, sorry, it's called chili and while everyone associates this as an autumnal food, it's a whenever it's fucking cold out food to me. Did you find anything?" I asked rapidly.

"He came by today as well, not that you're likely to remember what I'm about to tell you, it seems he's intently interested in stuff I brought from home," Loki told me.

"Did ya tell 'im, its all burnt bits of space rocks now so he can just fly up there and grab stuff?" I asked happily. "Also did you like the chili?"

"It tastes fine, love, and no remember I'm supposed to be just another mortal with random antiques to the public eye."

"What a stupid rule that is, if they don't like you they don't have to look at you but what's not to like when you're super easy on the eyes."

"Just because I'm good to look at doesn't mean I'm good all over."

"I dunno," Zari spoke up. "I can't think of a bad guy that wasn't at least a little ugly some way and then there's the Avengers, a bunch of try hard do gooders that are also super easy on the eyes, like being good makes you look great or something."

"Is that why I look like this?" I asked her. "I look like death because I'm surrounded by it or cause it?"

"No, honey, that's because you're still dead yourself, remember?"

"Oh...right. That. Still, what's not to like about this here sweet piece of mancandy?" I latched onto the green garbed god and hugged him tight, resting my head against the leisure robes he had shifted into once inside the house. "You are mine and you are Loki, you shall be my Loki."

He squeezed me back with a chuckle before looking over at Zari. "What did you give her to get her this sloshed?"

"Don't turn this on me," sassed Zari. "This is what earth girls days are like, drinking, gossiping, and apparently making food. You sure it tastes good, I lost track of how much stuff is needed for it."

"You're both worried about what I think of your chili?"

"We wanted to end the evening with dinner for you because there's something sacred when a sister from another mister likes your own mister, that's a power triangle that can't be broken and three is a very powerful number. The power of three will set you free." At that the two of us ladies in the room began chanting that last bit over and over again.

"If you see that crazy bitch again, you send her my way," Zari randomly told us. "I'll gladly drain that bitch dry before she can use it on anyone."

"You do realize you're not a vampire, Akasha, right?" I teased her.

She snorted. "I know that, I'd just slit her throat so quick and deep she wouldn't live long enough to suck it back in herself."

"Hey, if I can't kill her, neither can you, I don't have enough pull to get you out of jail for free after that."

"Can't you just feed her to your cat?"

"She hates leftovers," I told her dryly. "You know how picky kitties are."

"She ate hellhounds, literally only hell knows what those are made of, I think she can stomach your moldy oldies."

"Still, gotta keep her on a strict diet of no one that can be traced back to me, what if she's hacking up a furball or something and bones or bits of that ex come out at the worst possible time."

"I believe I did warn you against bringing her in as you don't know where she's been or what she's eaten," Loki noted.

I scowled at my intergalactic boyfriend. "Who's side are you on?"

"Yours, my love, always."

I beamed at this and nodded in approval. "Good, tentacle rape or not, we keep the kitty, she's better than the best bred guard dog on the planet." At that point, I randomly grabbed him by his tunic and pulled him down to kiss him.

"What's he taste like?" I heard Zari call to me.

When I let Loki get some air as I didn't need much myself, I let go of him and turned to her with a smirk. "Spice, leather, and stitches, but mostly deep fried witches."

"Only because you have witchcraft on your lips, love," purred Loki before stealing a kiss back from me. "Half expected you to taste like wine."

"Started with wine, not sure what we ended with," I admitted. "But first food, my second four letter f word."

The two of us ladies in the house easily sobered up by actual dinner time, with food in our otherwise empty stomachs.

"So the flirty dude, did he say he was after anything specific from your realm?" I asked Loki curiously. "Should we expect more visits."

"If I had it my way, he'd never return," muttered Loki. "But no, he didn't mention what exactly he was after, just kept asking when we'd have more and I think he's going to keep showing up till we give him something new to drool over."

"He's not getting the hint we're not Asgardians with an infinite stash of stuff?"

"Speak for yourself, love," he teased.

I snorted. "You're not Asgardian either hun."

"Moreso than you are."

"Whatever makes you sleep at night."

He rolled his eyes at me. "Nonetheless, I'd rather he not be a recurring customer just window shopping here all the time, whatever he's after I'm sure it's nothing that should be in his hands."

"What do you want to do then?" I asked him.

"Simply telling him no or implying we don't have more where that book came from didn't seem to convince him as he returned anyway, he's like your Midgardian sharks, circling around what he's hungry for, waiting to sink his teeth into it and tear it apart. At the same time as telling him no, telling him we got more stuff suddenly would only encourage the visits as well."

"If you give a mouse a cookie," I mused. "He'll ask for a glass of milk next. So what you're saying is damned if we do, damned if we don't. What if we just close the shop for a few days, see if he gets the message to bugger off then. He might not be staying for much longer anyway, he'll be wasting his time waiting."

"Tis your shop and we ourselves won't suffer from the lack of business."

I nodded, convinced this would work. "Then we'll take a small vacation and close it due to personal reasons like our home being broken into."

Loki frowned at the last part. "I must strengthen the spells it seems though how they were able to break mine, I've yet to figure out."

"Out of the fire and into the crockpot," I mused.


	11. Demi Gods' Snare

People and by people I mean the Avengers had warned me that Loki was a sly devil and wouldn't tell me everything. I was fine with that, I didn't tell Loki everything at first either, and yeah he did find out eventually but I figured the day he ever betrayed me, he'd know what would come next, I find out what it feels like to rip the soul out of a god. That being said, it didn't surprise me at all that Loki in fact had a plan when it came to shutting down the store. He didn't tell me till it was put into motion but he was betting someone would try to break in, but it wouldn't be the dude that we met together the first time he swung by. As it turned out, someone did try to break in, but Loki being the clever bastard he was, counted on it and set up his own little trap to ensnare and question whoever sprung it. That's all well and good except that they tried to break in during the middle of the night while I was having happier dreams and was suddenly woken up by Loki waking up and getting out of bed randomly.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't latch onto you before you leave the room," I grumbled, feeling him leave the bed.

"You're more than welcome to but I suggest you put something on first," he replied sleepily.

"That implies we're leaving the house, why?"

"Your store has had a raid attempt on it and I want to know why."

I scowled but complied and pulled on some clothes before doing what I promised and latched on to him as he poofed us to the shop.

When we got there, the shop was in fact mostly untouched save for a broken window, well cracked as it was double paned and thus harder to shatter than your average glass. A crowbar lay at the ground by the window as well as a stiff yet twitching bloke with wide eyes that got wider when they saw Loki's leather covered boots in front of him. Loki grabbed the man by the throat and poofed us somewhere else that looked like a basement of some kind, brick walls everywhere but more importantly random chains and rusted meat hooks hanging from the ceiling. I looked around while he slammed the man he caught onto what could've been mistaken for an altar but was just a brick platform in the middle of the space we were in.

"Nice touch, has a real Manson/Leatherface feel to it, you find this place or create it?" I asked Loki curiously.

"A bit of both," replied Loki smoothly, not taking his eyes off his new toy.

"If he wiggles too much, just hook him up," I suggested.

Loki glanced at me curiously while the man who was no longer being electrocuted by Loki's trap began to beg and try and fight back at the suggestion. "Would you like to join me then?"

"This was your idea, I'll let you do your magic, but I do have to ask, why are we keeping him alive exactly?"

Loki smirked at this. "Why indeed?" He turned back to his victim then, easily holding him in place despite the man's best efforts to escape. "If you have a suicide pill in hand, now's the time to take it though that won't keep your mouth shut any better, see, my lovely woman over there has a thing for the dead, she can talk to them and the dead don't lie so even in death whatever secret you're hiding, we'll find out. First things first though, I can't very well cut you open when I'm also holding you down, constricts my creativity in the matter, so we'll start with the chains." He snapped his fingers and the chains from the ceiling closest to the man slithered down and wrapped an end around his arms and legs so he was essentially then hanging from the ceiling completely bound.

"If the retail business turns out not to be for us, might I suggest special effects in horror movies?" I offered Loki.

Again he glanced back and his lips twitched seeing me genuinely enjoying the show he was providing here. "It almost worries me you're not only not bothered by what we're about to do, you seem a bit eager at the very least."

"I didn't give you much of a chance to show off your stuff when we first met and all that, now I wish I had, sorry for stealing the show from you."

Loki grinned wickedly and winked at me. "I appreciate the sentiment but no apology necessary, that was your battle most of the time, I trusted you to handle it to the best of your abilities and if you needed my help you'd let me know. It does warm my heart though how easily impressed you are with me."

"See this is why you're so much like cats, you're both starving for that extra bit of attention," I teased.

He rolled his eyes at me before returning his own attention to his prey. "Now where were we? Oh yes, why did you break into my love's shop?"

There was definite fear coming from the man but he did his best to keep his mouth shut. I took that chance to speak to him rather than just making suggestions to Loki that he would hear from the wall I was leaning against. "You're going to talk to us dead or alive, depending on how you cooperate. What you should know is that, when we kill you and we will if you don't cooperate, it won't be quick, or pretty, or easy for you, as we're both immortal so we've got lots of time on our hands, you not so much. And what you should know, is that once you're dead, you're not passing on because your lifeforce or soul if you will is where the information we want is kept so what I do is shove that right back into your slowly decaying bloodied, broken corpse and then binding you to me so you do exactly what I tell you to do. Essentially you become my puppet where all you can do is watch. Sounds fun, right? So it's your choice, comply and at least one of us might be merciful, not telling which, keep up your act of resistance and I add you to my collection of corpses. This is all of course after my man of magic here has his fun with you first, see, he's been itching to get his hands dirty for probably eons now, being a god of mischief and all. It's really such hard work for us to keep up the facade when we're both made of darker stuff, I'm sure you understand."

That's when Loki did something I hadn't expected in our act of bad cop, badder cop, he dropped his Asgardian form in favor of the red eyed Smurf as he got close to the man. "My race once almost took over your planet once, eons ago when Asgardians were seen as the gods they claim to be, worshiped and feared. Not a single one of your race could touch us, and I mean that in the literal sense. Care to find out why that is?" He lifted one dark blue hand to brush against the ear of the man that cried out as frostbite all but ate off the bit he touched. "Perhaps I shouldn't have gone for the ear as you won't be able to hear me then, something else you'll miss on your person then."

"How well versed are you in human anatomy?" I asked Loki curiously.

"Can't be much different from an Asgardian aside from the much shorter lifespan," he replied.

"Nerve endings?"

"Excellent idea," he played along. "Let's see if you're right or left handed first, want to make a bet on it, love?"

"Eh, at least 75% of the world is right handed, not much to bet on honestly."

He paused and turned back to me. "That common? Really?"

"It would probably be less so if one such religion didn't associate the left hand with that of the Devil's Hand and thus if you were sent to that kind of school they'd literally break it out of you."

"How so?"

"If you were caught using your left hand for anything from writing to eating in their presence, they'd take a hard wooden ruler and smash your hand with it."

"Of all the reasons to punish someone and for something they didn't choose themselves," he muttered. "Remind me why we can't just go back to attacking a major city till it's nothing but rubble and fire."

"For starters, you're a Frost Giant, you don't really do well with fire."

"That's not stopped me before," he noted.

"True."

Loki grinned. "Right then, that's what I'll start with." He reached out for the man's arm who tried desperately to twist it away from him despite dangling in front of him with magically controlled chains. "Tell me what I want to know, you're not going to avoid this any other way." He touched one finger of the man's forcibly outstretched hand that instantly blackened.

"I can't actually remember what it's like to have frostbite," I murmured.

Loki turned back to me curiously again. "No?"

"I mean Hydra did try extreme temps on me initially but I kinda get the feeling their methods aren't the same as a natural frostbite, you know? Not the same feeling."

"What did they use to simulate that if you don't mind me asking?"

I shrugged. "I wasn't traumatized by them like I'm guessing most of their catches were, mostly just annoyed they wouldn't let me go despite getting nothing from my stay. They used liquid nitrogen on me which with any other object has some pretty cool affects, like dipping a rose into a vat of that stuff, instant frosted glass, so cool. I watched a movie where the bad guy forces some girl's head into a tub of it and then pulled her out and smashed her face on the counter."

"One of those horror franchises, wasn't it?"

I beamed at him for figuring it out. "Bingo, get you learning my hobbies."

"Some of them I have to admit are quite interesting to say the least. Sadly, we need his face dead or alive to tell us what we want so we can't try that method till we're completely satisfied." He turned back to his other audience then and looked thoughtful for a moment. "I suppose you don't really need all your fingers but you can still use your hand with a few at the same time. Which one do you need the most though?"

"What separates us primates from the rest of the animals is primarily our thumbs," I pointed out. "I think the Yakuza do that too, so whoever they're punishing has more trouble holding weapons against them after."

"Thumbs it is then, so if we do decide to let you free after this, you won't be holding a crowbar anytime soon."

"Alright! I sent there to steal something!" cried out the dangling man in front of us.

"Yes, we've gathered that already, give us something we don't already know," quipped Loki impatiently. "Or you won't be one of the primates for much longer."

"I'd imagine wanking off would be a pain to try too after that," I mused.

"Oh that's not an issue, his manhood is next on the list of things he won't be keeping with him after this."

That got the man really struggling in the chains holding him up and sweating profusely. "No! No! Wait, we were looking for something old and powerful that we were told was kept in that store specifically, something old that didn't look old like the other antiques."

"By that description alone, you could easily be referring to your current tormentor in front of you," I pointed out lazily. "You weren't looking for Loki, were you? All you had to do was ask."

"That only works with you, love," Loki told me. "I don't come to other people's commands."

"Interesting choice of words," I teased.

"Later, dearest. Do you even know what it is you were planning on stealing there or were you going to just grab whatever fit that description you gave me?"

"We were given tech that would point it out for us and take out the guesswork."

"So you were just going to break into my shop, wave your little timey wimey tech around my valuable things and steal whatever stuff it picked up when it dings?" I demanded. "Then what?"

"We weren't told why, just what!" he cried as Loki dropped his hand to the level of the man's waist.

"So you're just a henchmen then, no one the leader would miss if he didn't tell you the finite details of what he's after," Loki summed up. "Interesting. Is this leader the same one that's been sending hellhounds after us?"

"Yes!"

"How?" I asked before Loki could.

"He's not human."

"Yeah, neither are we," I retorted. "We should send this dude of yours a message, shouldn't we, Loki?"

"Sometimes I really do love when you're right," he teased. "We should, what should the message relay though? I'm sure you have some ideas."

"Break my possessions and I'll eat yours?" I offered.

"Spoken like a true zombie," he joked.

I snickered and walked over to the prey in question who squirmed and fought against the chains that bound him. "Looks like meat's back on the menu!"

"No! Please, I told you everything you wanted to know!"

"True but now there's things you know about us that can't leave this place and we can't trust you to keep that secret, can we?" Loki noted.

"One last thing before we're done with him," I interjected. "Those hellhounds, they only go after me, why?"

"We need Loki, and we know he won't do what we need without incentive," the man explained. "And we don't need you."

"I lost my appetite," I muttered. "He's all yours."

"Thought you'd be happier you're not the target this time around," Loki stated.

"I don't like being used as bait though," I muttered. "I might have crawled out from the dirt once but I'm still no worm on a fucking hook."

Loki studied me for a second while I slinked back into the darker part of the basement of wherever the hell we were before nodding in understanding and turned back to his prey. "And now you've upset my woman. Of the two of us, she's actually the lesser of two evils here and you managed to deter her more merciful methods of finishing you."

"Loki?" I called from the darkness.

"Yes, love," he replied smoothly.

"No more bodies are needed and we can't have any left behind for the A team to find, savvy?"

He winked at me in reassurance before getting back to business. "Ever been to another realm?"


	12. A Big Bag of Dicks

"So just how much stuff did you manage to bring here from home?" I asked once we were back at my home as it were.

"All my favorite books, armor, clothes, some decor I favored, some artifacts from Odin's vault, extra weapons just in case, a bit of everything really," he replied easily.

"I'd bet my left tit, it's one of the vault things they're after unless there's a book in your collection that's an instruction manual to evil things."

"There might be a few of those," he relented. 

"But not the one you insisted I sell, right?"

"Valhalla no, that's a book my mother used to read to me as a child, tales of old."

I chewed on my lower lip in thought. "So an evil book or Odin's stuff its gotta be. How safe would you say those things are, is there any way anyone can get to it?"

Loki grinned at this. "They'd have to ask really nicely and give me as you'd say a damn good reason for me to summon them, they're currently tucked into pockets of space only I can tap into."

I nodded in reassurance but then paused and scowled as I realized that bit added up with what we were told. "Explains why the dogs try to eat me but not you, they need you to get it for them, they know you have it, whatever it is and they know they need you to get it."

"Considering no one they sent to both our normal locations returned alive, that's not a hard thought to come up with. But yes, they don't need you dead or deader so that's where the dogs come in, while they themselves continue to try and look for it, they don't know how they need me, just that I'm of use in some way, they couldn't possibly know I have it completely inaccessible to everyone but me."

"Is there anything not from home that's powerful on your person? Do you still have the tesseract, maybe it's that?"

"I was forced to give that up when we came to Midgard in exchange for not being put in a cell indefinitely. Before I could even offer up a fake one, I was told by Thor if any sort of tricks were used then and there, the deal would be off and I'd be locked up with no magic."

"Kinda harsh, dude should know by now that's kinda your nature, he basically told you not to be yourself once you got here, what kinda welcome to earth is that? Will Smith had a better greetings to his aliens in both his alien movies. I'm really glad I didn't meet Odin or Thor's friends now, they all seem like a big bag of dicks to me."

Loki chuckled at this and pulled me against him, kissing the top of my head. "I confess I have wondered if not envisioned what kind of meeting that would be like in my free time. Odin would probably try to kill you himself just for associating and consorting with me. If he was able to tell what you are which I unfortunately wouldn't have put past him to know, he would want to kill you that much more for reminding him of his first failure of fatherhood."

"Say that five times fast," I mused. "You see it as a curse that you're not blood related to the Asgardians, but it's the exact opposite, they're the worst, be thankful you're apart from them because I'd probably try to go after Clint if you were anything like your adopted family aside from your mother."

"Clint is married with kids," he informed me.

"And that's something I need to know because..."

Loki arched an eyebrow at me curiously. "Would that really not stop you?"

"Sugarpants, I did tell you I've gone after if not fully slept with all manner of interesting people, right? That means morals or commitment issues or not, as long as they treated me right, I wanted and usually got em in the end."

"But if they were willing to leave behind or push aside their own family and loved ones for you, who's to say they wouldn't do that to you after that?"

I shrugged against him, snuggling into his taller, comfier frame. "It's not like I wanted them completely to myself, sharing is caring after all. People do stupid, reckless things when they're broken, anything they can to fix themselves if only for a moment or a two. At the time, I thought other people was the glue I needed to put my own pieces back together, didn't have to be permanent glue, just something that worked long enough to ease the ache."

"You're not any less of a zombie queen than you were when I fell for you for doing any of that, there are far worse things one could do to cope," he assured me. "But you wouldn't get far with Clint, Natasha had dibs as you people would say, a shared past and all that."

I shrugged once more. "A shame Peter's so young, think I'd probably try to escape before I'm released if there's no fair game on the hunting field."

"Such a curious little creature you are," he teased. "Why Peter though? He seemed to bug you a bit, despite being part Spider when you first met him."

"He's so curious himself and cute and innocent, I'd love to corrupt all that. But alas, there are some things I wouldn't tap, and underage peeps are one of them."

"And this is all if I was like Thor..."

"Or Odin which is pretty much the same thing from the sound of it so yeah if you want to hear it again, I'm beyond thankful you are who you are in all your many tasty forms. You are right in that there are no men or gods like you, but don't let that get to your head or you won't be able to fit in the bedroom anymore which would be a crying shame."

"There are many other places in which to do the same deed you imply, love," he purred.

"Yeah but none as comfy so check yo self before you wreck yo self, Frosty."

He scowled at my newest nickname though there was no heat behind it and not just because he himself carried no heat being made of snow and all that. "Rabid little vixen you are."

"Rabid? There's nothing contagious about me despite popular belief that my bite is, you of all people should know as you're the one person I actually do that act to and you're still you."

"Oh I'm sure Thor can attest to how much you changed me since I've met you."

I snorted. "Changed you into what? Near as I can tell you're still a royal pain in the ass."

"Such a shame, you have such a nice one too," he teased. "He claims you may have tamed me, do you think so?"

I snorted. "Your brother is the epitome of a dumb blond, honest to higher gods. How many times did he join us on Hydra hunts with the team?"

"Not many if I recall correctly."

"Do you think I've tamed you?"

"You've done a great many things to and for me, my love, but I should hope you haven't tamed me."

"I didn't ask you to live with me here because it's quiet and out of trouble, this is witch city, it was literally built on trouble. They say home is where the heart is, and you have my heart but this place has always felt like home, so naturally you gotta be here to make that stupid phrase work for me."

"I do believe that you were attempting to be romantic if not poetic for once," he mused. "How delightful."

"Don't get used to it," I teased. "Do you think I've changed you at all?"

"If you have, it could only be good or for the better or we'd be getting far too many visits from the team by now," Loki pointed out. "Worried for me, are we?"

I glared at his cocky yet teasing tone. "Hey, if you're gonna fret over me this whole time, I should be allowed to do the same, especially since of the two of us you're the fragile one." I was then suddenly pinned against a wall gently but firmly within the blink of an eye, even gods had fragile egos it seemed.

"There's nothing fragile about me," he growled.

"Can you survive a blade through the heart?" I challenged.

"Are you saying you have?"

"You were there when I got impaled by a fucking tree branch, hurt like a bitch but I'm still standing after."

He was quiet for a moment, recalling the battle with the last bad necromancer in the park. "I thought that it missed the heart, maybe a lung and since you don't breathe much.."

"Most definitely the heart, not the first and probably not the last, this is why I keep telling you not to worry if it looks like I'm legit dead, it just won't happen. I might be out of commission for a little bit while I'm trying to recover but I shall return right after."

He was quiet again. "I've survived close to that I think, when the Dark Elves came."

"I know you're immortal as well, hun. I know you survive things that shouldn't be possible, I was only teasing about that." I reached up to cup one side of his face he instinctively leaned into. "Cro would've gotten rid of you if you weren't up to snuff anyway, he might be a massive dick at times but as he helped recreate me, he means well in the end. I hope."

"Curious being that one," agreed Loki. "I don't know how to feel about him, I'm torn between jealousy at him knowing you as long and as intimately as he does and intrigue at what he is exactly."

"He has that effect on a lot of others too," I muttered.

"And your other ex, the blood witch, does she know anything about him or them?"

"She knows nothing about them and as of now very little about me, she knew me when I wasn't at my full potential, so she doesn't know I'm a horsemen, doesn't know I'm immortal, doesn't know I can rip a person's soul from their body and use it as a hand grenade on someone else. All she really knows about me is my affinity with the dead and ability to raise an army of zombies."

"What are the chances she's left since we've not seen her in a few days?"

"The odds ain't in our favor with her disappearing on her own, that usually means she's up to something. You gonna let me off the wall or finish what you started?"

Loki blinked in surprise then smirked and pressed me against the wall again and captured my lips with his own, lifting me up so my legs could wrap around his waist. "This isn't me following your demand, this is me getting what I want."

I snickered at this. "Shut up and take me."


	13. It's Probin' Time

I didn't like being bait but I didn't so much mind watching someone else take the bait I had hanging on the hook myself. I also didn't mind sitting back and following someone else's plan as that meant a lot less work for me and the dead aren't supposed to be working. So I here I was working at my little shop waiting for the fish to take the bait while looking as harmless and innocent as I could muster which probably was more work in itself because for some reason people seem to think the dead are dangerous. No idea why. Loki of course was with me but not in human, god, or even Jotun form, but invisible of all things, he figured I could get more out of the dude that kept "innocently" popping in and asking about stuff. Loki also added another useless piece of his home to the sales as the bait itself, assuring me even if I let him buy it, Loki wouldn't be missing it. Of course that fish wasn't buying anything of Loki's no matter how much he offered, I might be a zombie but I'm not a monster, sentimental stuff is priceless and therefore has no matching value. 

Lo and behold the more masculine and attractive version of Jace from Shadowhunters strutted into my shop pretending to play it cool while subtly making his way to the back of the store where the newest addition was on display before slinking his way over to me.

"See something you like?" I drawled lazily.

"Several things in fact," he replied smoothly. "Missed you the other day."

"No you didn't, that implies you know me enough to care about my absence when I don't even know who you are."

He looked maybe a hint embarrassed about a lack of introductions and wore a sheepish look. "I didn't tell you? My bad, I'm Lance, I'm new in town and a collector of rare finds."

"How rare?" I pressed, feigning curiosity.

"So rare they're one of a kind or just not found anywhere else on this planet."

"You know I heard there was another guy like you that collected things from outside this world, goes by Toomes."

Lance scoffed at this. "Oh I heard of him, into alien tech that got himself thrown in jail. I'm not after that kind of otherworldly stuff, I'm after stuff that's been on the planet at one point eons ago and only recently resurfaced."

"Ancient but advanced," I muttered.

"Exactly. Got anything like that?" he crooned.

I eyed the dude suspiciously. "If I did, I'm sure SHIELD would be all over that long before you were."

"SHIELD? That clueless organization that crumbled because it was really Hydra? You can't really expect them to figure this kind of stuff out when they couldn't figure themselves out till it was too late."

I arched an eyebrow at his knowledge on the topic curiously. "How the hell do you know all that?"

"It went viral, you telling me you don't keep up with social media?"

"I've been underground and cut off from all forms of communication and outside events for the past 5 years, I guess you could say I went cold turkey for so long I stopped that addiction almost completely."

"Gone that long? What were you doing? Where did you go?"

"A story for another time if I feel like telling it then."

"Are you being a tease to me?"

"If I was doing that, you wouldn't have to ask," I replied dryly. "I'm anything but subtle."

"What else would you be then?"

I bit back the instant reply that popped into my head, bored with this conversation, and fought the urge to look at where I knew Loki was standing, there were times he knew exactly what I was thinking just from my expressions alone, I had a terrible pokerface after all. "I am what I am."

"And what are you then? You're clearly more than just a Salem shop owner, I don't think you're a witch or wiccan even," Lance pressed.

"And how exactly would you know if I was or not, it's not something advertised or branded in plain sight," I retorted with narrowed eyes.

"Just a feeling," he replied smoothly with a grin.

"A feeling? Or is it because I don't look quite human to you?" I challenged.

"Only a feeling, what with mutants and inhumans and other manner of people here that don't look normal, I try not to judge solely on looks anymore. Besides, white hair suits you, most people can't pull that off unless they got white from age."

"Are you trying to add me to your collection of rare finds? I'm part of a set so I'm not that rare in theory."

"I don't typically collect humans, just artifacts, things that don't fight back. Besides, collections tend to be for display purposes only and why would I want to show you off to anyone else but myself?"

Both eyebrows shot up at that bold statement. "Sharing is caring."

"Good thing I don't care about anyone else then."

"Display purposes only you say, I'm curious, why exactly you would collect such things then?" I asked with feigned curiosity.

"Just a hobby of mine," he brushed off.

Again I fought the urge to look at where Loki was, I could almost see him clearly with my "ghost vision". That's when I realized something about Lance, he didn't have any spirits shadowing him and just about everyone does whether it's loved ones lingering on them like Loki's mother or their own victims desperate for revenge but unable to do more follow because of them being incorporeal. He didn't have anyone lingering and that didn't sit well with me. Without making my eyes go hollow and milky white as they usually do when I'm piercing the veil between the living and the dead, I tried to see if there was something else I'm missing just by looking at him.

"See something interesting?" he asked suddenly, seeing me stare off past/behind him.

"Sorry, in another world for a moment." One that had no attachment to him apparently, how odd.

"Is it a world I know of?" he tried.

I snorted and gave him an incredulous look. "Not bloody likely."

It was his turn to look completely surprised by a blatant response but he shrugged and moved on. Eventually he left much to my relief as I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding nor needed and looked over at Loki who shimmered back into existence with a grin. 

"You kept glancing at me or you tried not to I think, did you actually know I was there or did you have a feeling I would be?" he asked me.

"Ghost vision," I explained easily. "I see incorporeal people." 

"You never cease to to amaze me."

"I'm here for your entertainment," I quipped.

"What else did you see?" 

"He has no attachments from the other side, none which is highly unusual for a person of any kind, I don't care what planet you're from, you have dead baggage. I hate when you're right, stop that shit right now."

He snickered, the smirk widened to that devilishness I loved so much. "Now why would I do that?"

"Because I asked you to?"

"And I'm just all about compliance, am I?" he teased.

"Couldn't hurt," I murmured more to myself though I knew he could hear me.

He arched an eyebrow at me but smirked all the same. "Insatiable woman."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," I teased. "A sated woman is a bored one."

"Is that what they're telling you these days?"

"What did they tell you then?"

"A sated one is a content one."

I snorted at this and shook my head. "I mean if I really tried hard enough I could be seeing as none of my internal systems actually work so it's not like I need to be sated by anything or anyone. I just really can't get enough of you, you're too damn tasty."

"If I didn't know you, I'd say you were a perfect zombie to think I taste good."

"Nothing better than perfect manflesh," I joked. "Fresh off the bone."

"It amazes me how you just roll with that kind of name calling, it's impossible to insult you it seems from what I've seen at least."

"You take away the insulter's firepower by turning it into a compliment and agreeing with them but you're right, as usual, I've yet to hear one thrown at me that actually hit the mark it was intended for. Learned it from Tyrion, know what you are, accept it, and then wear it as your armor and you'll remain unscathed. Not all of us have sexy leather and gold armor like you to protect them."

"You really love that look on me, not the newer outfits."

"Longcoats or trench coats, if my heart still worked it would speed up tenfold seeing a good looking brooding guy in that."

"Not capes?"

"No capes," I said like Edna Mode. "Tacky and often problematic, less practical and not remotely attractive."

"If only Thor were here to hear that," he mused.

"Like he'd listen to anything I'd tell him, pretty sure he won't believe me solely because I'm with you. Mistrust by association."

"Does it bother you that last part?"

"Just with him, couldn't care less if other people mistrust me because I'm with you, but he's your brother, blood or not, you only got each other for family, there should be some trust there at least."

"One would think," he muttered with a shrug. "I'm sure he'd listen to you though, the others on the team wouldn't for the reason you think he wouldn't but he's more open minded around Midgardians, especially unusual females ones."

"There's a term I've not been called in a while, unusual."

"Dare I ask what have you been called recently then?"

"All manner of intended insults that I just rolled with because I am what I am. Freak, zombie, corpse bride despite never being married, ghost girl, I'm sure there's more but Jimmy crack corn and I don't care."

"You've never been married?"

"Really? That's what you got from all that? Why is that so hard to believe, necrophiliacs are usually too fucked up to think about marriage here."

"Do people have to know you're dead though?"

"It kinda is part of my job, I mean how else would I be able to explain not breathing, bleeding black blood the few times I'm actually wounded, not aging, all that?"

"Couldn't you simply tell them you're a mutant?"

"Except one, I'm not, and b, there's a lot of hate for those poor powerful souls here so that really wouldn't help my case much. Points for trying though."

"Well then, another first for you in the making."

"You can't keep dropping that on me and then strutting away like you didn't just promise me something potentially huge, that's beyond teasing and borderline mean."

"Mean? Me? How dare you?" he mocked back. "I'm the perfect gentleman."

"Honey, no one's perfect. And a gentleman, the court's still out on that."

He rolled his eyes at me but couldn't hide the smirk. "You like me that way though."

"Minor details."

"Insufferable wench," he teased.

"Aye, matey, but you love me that way," I retorted.

"That I do," he purred.

I beamed at my godly man, it wasn't nearly that often we showed affection beyond the bedroom to each other and I was totally cool with that as I was like that myself, it wasn't just him, but when we did, it felt refreshing and reassuring despite not needing either. I pulled him down by the shirt and kissed him lightly. "Don't you forget it in your old age." Loki growled at my teasing and nipped my lower lip before straightening up.


	14. Loki's Charms-Mischievously Delicious

They're after something Loki has, that much was certain, and whatever it is it's powerful and shouldn't ever be in their hands because anyone that has a pack of hellhounds helping them out are doing the devil's work and that's a fuckton times worse than in Loki's hands. This Lance dude had to be working with them, these people that show up and send the hounds on me constantly, as they're all looking for the same thing it sounds like. We still haven't figured out who those two shadow people are that Peter recorded but they have to be the leaders of the operations waiting for their goons to get the goods for them since we haven't seen anyone in the attacks that match their voice or silhouettes. Had we even figured out how they know Loki has it and not me, how did they even know it's here or its ours/his and not some witch dabbling in the dark arts? 

"You're glaring at your food the way you glared at that man we interrogated the other day," a smooth voice interrupted my thoughts.

I blinked, took my knife and stabbed my lunch with it hard so the handle was now sticking straight up. "I want answers and food is always the answer, so why do I still have questions for it?"

Loki chuckled and slid a hand under the table to caress my leg soothingly. "As long as they don't get what I have, we still have ample time to figure out what it is considering I'm the only one that can obtain whatever it is and have no intent on giving it to them."

I snorted and grabbed the stuck out knife like a fork to eat the piece impaled by the blade. "Maybe I'm just annoyed and a little on edge with them going after both my home and my shop and continually becoming damn near dog food...did we feed Lady Catalie today?"

"I created a cat door to outside that only she can get in and out of so she can hunt and protect our home like she did the other night, if we don't feed her, she'll feed herself."

I grinned at this. "Sounds like you're warming up to cats finally, eh?"

"Woman, how many times do I have to tell you she's not by definition of tentacles and expanding jaw a cat," Loki groaned.

"General rule of thumb among us earthlings, if it purrs like a cat and it walks like a cat, it usually means it's a cat, sorry not sorry."

Loki rolled his eyes at my antics and shook his head. "By that rule, I'd be ruled as a human because I look and sound like one."

I snorted at this and shook my head as I finished my food. "No human looks anywhere near as perfectly sculpted as you do, Thor I can agree looks human between his singular mindset and more facial hair than Hagrid, but not you."

"You flatterer," he teased.

"What? This isn't news, why do you think I'm always staring at you when we're just chilling together or shagging? You're not just easy on the eyes, you're treasure to them."

"You should've seen me when I invaded Midgard years ago, not so easy then."

I cringed at that memory, though not there for it myself, I saw just how horrible a state he was in. "I did, Tony tried to convince me not to hook up with you while we were living at his compound together, showed me all the footage of your invasion from start to finish."

Loki scowled at this and cursed Tony under his breath. "Of course he did."

I shrugged at this. "Not sure why though, I mean if he knew me and liked me enough I could see that as him trying to protect me but I'd only just been freed so what reason could he have to show that not knowing me, for all he knew, I could be ten times worse than you were made to be then."

"A chained up, captured and presumed tortured young woman rescued from Hydra's clutches, of course he'd see you as a damsel in distress instantly while between my invasion he was involved in stopping himself and my time living with him before you showed up, he's helbent on distrusting me and my intentions."

"How long did you live there with him?"

"As long as Thor decided to make this realm Asgard's new home, six years. I believe it was made public I'm back and reformed a year or two after."

"Ah one more big thing I missed in my incarceration, fucking Hydra ruining everything." I stabbed my food again angrily, was bad enough I missed a fuckton of my favorite shows and some really awesome new movies because of them. "There had to be conditions though I'm betting, especially with it being Tony as the host."

"Oh yes, as humiliating as they were, it was either that or lock me up completely. The 'good Doctor' Strange figured out a way to seal almost all my magic away except that which keeps me alive, so you can understand why I'm the minimal amount of cordial with him when he decides to pop up."

I recalled when I first met the asshat during my first battle with the team and Loki was more than quick to defend me and attack him at a moment's notice, he wasn't just doing that to defend me and make a show of it then, he knew what that wizard was capable of and hated him for using it against him. "That's why you were so quick to step between us. It wasn't just because you were charged with supervising me by the team."

Loki nodded stiffly, finished with his meal and now watching me and gauging my reactions. "I might not have known you but given my initial impression since meeting you I decided you didn't deserve what he could and probably would do to you what he did to me."

"How long before you were given your magic back?"

"A year before you showed up."

"Man, I didn't like him much before..." I muttered.

"He's always keeping an eye on me whenever I let my guard and cloaking down, and unfortunately now he's got an eye on you too."

"There's an easy solution there, pluck out one of his eyes, he's only got two and one for each of us."

"He's got three actually and it's the third you want to be careful of as it contains an Infinity Stone inside it."

I snorted. "Which one?"

"The Time Stone."

"Time has no affect on me, let him try."

"Still, I've had enough bothersome Cyclopses in my lifetime, let's not add another anytime soon."

I shrugged at this and nodded in agreement. "Aye, seems to be a curse with you. Authoritative figures with one eye. I've gathered then, you met the angry pirate Fury."

"I met him during my invasion once or twice before I was under house arrest on his orders to Stark."

I couldn't help but recall all the footage I was shown by Tony with him during the invasion and wondered who had it worse being caged, myself with Hydra or him with Shield, kinda funny how Shield back then was essentially Hydra though, the list of similarities between myself and Loki were still growing it seemed, we were practically the same soul at this point in two vastly different bodies, one of perfection and power, the other simply death and destruction. That had another question come to mind of the vastly growing list of unanswered ones currently being mentally written. 

"Your magic, where does it come from initially?"

"My seidr...Yggdrasil, the Tree of Life."

I arched an eyebrow and wondered if the Order planned this out or just ran with it as they sometimes are forced to do. "No wonder we're each other's weaknesses, we are life and death personified and power-based."

Loki blinked and frowned. "Why hadn't I thought of that before?"

"Clearly because you're the beauty of this operation while I'm the brains," I quipped smugly.

"Just because you eat brains doesn't make you The brains," he teased.

"Why not? Haven't you ever heard the American expression, you are what you eat?" I retorted. 

"You are more than aware that I'm not of this world much less country considering how you love me in my natural form," he purred.

"I'm also aware how often you get my references as you've been watching all the shows I missed from being locked up with me not to mention having to live with Stark who has his own references and infinite resources to the American way so don't give me that 'not my planet not my problem' line, nice try."

"You are too clever for your own good, you know that?"

I smirked widely. "Which loosely translates to this bitch here wins but I'm too proud to admit it and being too clever for you also means I am in fact the brains, check and mate, king me."

"Oh my dear, you forget of the two of us, which here is actually of royal blood?"

"You know, I've yet to see you actually bleed so for all I know, neither of us has it."

His turn to snort at my half truth as I did know despite not seeing him bleed much in our past battles. "You can't lie to the God of which, love, how many times do I keep reminding you?"

"Can't remember," I joked back.

He rolled his eyes at me and shot a piece of his food at my face with a fork though I caught it easily in my mouth with a smug grin. "You're lucky you're adorable."

"Luck's got nothing to do with it, I'm all natural."

"There is nothing natural about you and you know it."

"My magic is natural," I muttered.

He shrugged. "There is that I suppose."

There was a comfortable moment of silence between us as he finished his meal before I spoke up. "You might have lost one kingdom but aren't you still essentially king to another by blood?"

"You really think they'll want a ruler that killed their last one in cold blood?" he asked me back dryly.

"Well I mean, they're Frost Giants, what other kind of blood do they have really?"

Loki, despite being aforementioned creature chuckled at my tasteless joke regardless. "It's a frozen wasteland that was crumbling even before I tried to destroy it myself with the Bifrost, it's of no use to me as a kingdom, heritage or not. Midgard seems the best if not only realm to rule if I ever got the chance."

"Where would I be, what would you have me be if that ever happened?" I asked curiously.

"Is that eagerness I hear in your otherwise dry voice?" he teased.

I shrugged innocently. "This planet could use a complete makeover and who better to give it one then the most gorgeous green and gold god to land on it?"

A look of utter surprise and pride shown on his usually almost emotionless face at my admittance and he smiled fondly at me. "You really think so?"

"You ask me that like you can't sniff out a lie when you hear one, ye of little faith."

"You're not just saying that to inflate my ego?"

"I think we've established that doesn't need to be any bigger or you'd have to sleep outside with the hounds as you won't fit it in here," I remarked dryly. "Stop patting yourself on the back for a second and answer my question, Papa Smurf."

He scowled at my reference which was what was needed to break him out of his proud demeanor. "You'd be my queen of course, what else would you be?"

I shrugged again. "Bodyguard, personal assassin maybe, that's always a cool profession, consort, I dunno."

"We've established you're not the best bodyguard since you only cover half of my body, maybe three fourths with better posture. I'd rather be at your side if you're out killing someone for me, I'm not completely convinced you're as indestructible as you claim as you can be dangerously wounded by a pack of dogs. And consort? That implies I want others in my bed when I only want you in there, silly woman. What makes you think you wouldn't be my queen?"

"I've never seen myself be that high up on the people chain, more a general or commander if anything, only in charge of warriors or soldiers, not an entire kingdom...though that might be because my sole purpose at the moment is to ensure there is no kingdom left to rule this planet, to make sure there's nothing left at all so if its all gone there's no reason to be a ruler."

"My older sister would disagree with you there," he mused.

"Ah yes, Hela the Goth Goddess of Ghouls and Dramatic Entrances, she sounds fun, did you have fun meeting her?"

"As much fun as an orgy of Midgardian porcupines," he replied.

I cackled at his metaphor. "Picking up my lingo now, are we? Remind me again who's rubbing off on who?"

"You paint such vivid and strange images with your euphemisms, of course some are going to stick in my head, you only have yourself to blame."

"Not bloody likely, you chose me so it's your own fault for sticking around long enough to have those things I paint stick to you."

He scowled at me playfully but didn't argue further before a thoughtful look crossed his face. "You really think I'm life personified?"

"The both of us are practically nothing without our magic and our magic is what keeps both of us going, am I right? So why not? You sound uncharacteristically hopeful there."

"It's just something Odin told me before he sentenced me to eternal life imprisonment. That wherever I go, there is death and destruction and war in my wake."

"A shame he wasn't the one lingering around you, could've exorcised his wrinkly old ass to Hel," I mused. "The way I see it, he saw too much of your sister in you despite not being remotely blood related, how he continued to fail as a father in both your and her similarities, and boom psychological displacement. A dark god that favors a horned head ornament, dressed in green and black, with long black hair that refuses to be just like him. She is death and destruction as much as I am and he saw her in you and decided might as well roll with that preconceived notion. Happens a lot around here, relatives if not parents confusing siblings based on how similar they are, not even the twins, evil as most of them are."

"How can you know that without even meeting her yourself?"

"Mostly from what you and Thor told me of that whole ordeal and I did a bit of research on her afterward just in case I ever meet the whole set of Odinson siblings, y'all should have your own sitcom with all that family drama going on. What would the title be though? The Mighty Odinsons? The Way of the Gods? Keeping up with the Asgardians? Runs in the Family? Oooh, what would be the theme song? I got it, the Immigrant Song!"

"Are you done?" Loki asked, clearly unamused by my daydream of a show that would make millions.

"Sure, once I get Tony to fund it then we'll really live like royalty, raking in millions once we find the right cast."

"I'm so glad my tragic backstory is so entertaining to you," Loki growled, dripping with sarcasm.

I tried my best to look as innocent as was physically possible and gave a small shrug. "Listen, you really can't blame me for finding yours so interesting seeing as I can't compare notes with my own. And no, I don't want you to fix that, the last time someone wanted to dig up what's been erased it resulted in the absolute worst migraine I've ever remembered having while the person searching me bled out every facial orifice he had including his eyes. I don't want that happening to you and I gave up my past willingly, so there's no reason to go digging."

"What kind of person was it that bled out that gruesomely?" asked Loki curiously.

"A powerful necromancer that was exceptionally skilled in mindhacking, see some necromancers like myself just call out for anyone willing to fight for my cause, others will use a different tactic to wake the dead, that one was more or less a psionic necromancer, controlled any and all dead within the vicinity through their minds, powerful dude that one."

"What happened to him?"

I shrugged. "I don't keep track of the ones I don't like, he was one of them, tried to hack my mind like he did the rest of the dead, which in theory would've worked if I wasn't above him in power myself being dead and all. He wanted my stone of power, thought that's the sole reason why I can't be killed, tried to find a weakness by getting into my mind and ended up weakened when he hit a whole lotta nothing. I told you, the Order is very thorough, they make sure absolutely nothing and no one can find what they've taken for only themselves whether its memories or Horsemen."

"Have you met the Order personally or just your mentor Cro?"

"I literally can't say if I have or not but I've been led to believe they very rarely trouble themselves with earthbound affairs so yeah, no idea. Cro shows up whenever he gets too bored with wherever they keep themselves, the Order or apparently when I'm causing more trouble than the plan allows...or when he's horny if that's even a thing with those kinds of beings."

Loki was quiet for a moment, I could practically hear the ancient golden gears turning in his head as what I told him sank in. "Are you really not bothered by being their pawn?"

"I asked to be it more or less, power always comes with a price and I wanted more of it than I had already acquired between my own natural necromancy and just simply the affinity with the dead before that, I wanted to do more than simply converse and call for and they were more than willing to give me more. Hang on, when did this become all about me again? I was about to call Tony about your sitcom."

"Don't you dare, I will destroy all forms of communication with him before you can reach the speed dial number," he growled in warning.

I froze for a moment and arched an eyebrow at the somewhat bristling god. "Did you just threaten me? Are you sure you wanna go down that road? I mean just because you beat me repeatedly in bo staves, doesn't mean I can't kick your ass in other ways." And suddenly I was on my back on the floor pinned down though I couldn't tell how I got there, if I hit the floor or somehow was just pushed down gently as my back nor any body part wasn't hurting from the sudden position. "Was that really necessary?"

"No means no, woman," he growled though there was no real threat from him, I just got under his skin a bit too deep.

"What if I asked really really nicely?" It was then I realized why I couldn't figure out how I got on the floor, he wasn't even the one pinning me down, well his magic was, his body was still sitting at the table we were eating at. "And this is cheating, I never used my magic against you."

"All's fair in love and magic."

I scowled and shook my head before my own magic negated his keeping me on the floor and I fluidly got back to my feet.

"Not going to hit me with your own?" he challenged.

"Do you have a death wish, hun? My powers are mostly offensive and I'm not going to subjugate the dead to something this trivial."

"Not even throwing me aside like you did against that backstabbing other necromancer we faced together?"

I smirked but shook my head again. "I don't bother them about things that aren't important and dangerous, I had no time to get there myself or deflect the attack, throwing you aside through them was the last and only resort to keeping you alive then."

His demeanor went back to serious and curious. "You don't think I would've survived it?"

"The power he gathered from that head stone of his was erratic and barely controlled or he wouldn't have been rotting away like he did. It was destroying him because even at the level of necromancy he was then, it was still unstable from how he channeled it, if he were to unleash that at you, you'd be not just dead but more rotted through in an instant than he was."

"And the reason you survived all his attacks is because of being a Horsemen, I'm guessing. So anyone else, god or necromancer would've been killed by him?"

"Horsemen or not, necromancer's are wielders of death as the namesake implies, the strongest of us are what the Japanese would call shinigami, the weakest hide themselves as mediators, ghost whisperers, whatever you wanna call it these days where they speak to the dead and occasionally exorcise them for being spiritual pains in the ass. Our powers are destructive and deadly at most and only help those already dead, they do absolutely nothing but the worst to the living. You've never actually faced one down besides Hela, have you?"

"Not till I met you, why is that surprising?"

"Because you're ancient, moreso than probably the first of us so how could you in all your eons of life not crossed paths with them, one magic user to another, before me?"

Loki was quiet for a moment, studying me with a piercing gaze that got me all excited inside, I really loved when he got all dark and dangerous like, no one could rock that look like he could. "Your jokes about my age are getting..."

"Old?" I quipped. "Funny how that all ties together, still not as old as you though so I got that going for me." Loki's response was a well aimed dagger thrown whizzing just past my head. "If you cut off any of my hair like those stupid anime trope scenes of the same nature, I'm not afraid to smack you, bitch."

"You won't use your magic on me, you can't beat me with a staff, what have you got left?" he taunted lightly.

"You're always telling me I'm so much more than that, so now which part was the lie, Mr God Of?"

He simply smirked, that predatory but damn sexy glint in his eyes that only meant trouble with a capital T. "You tell me." A dagger appeared in each opened hand.

I bit my lip in excitement. I couldn't summon my own personal dagger as even a nick from it on Loki could potentially end him. "Love a man who always brings protection." I could however summon a previously tainted split dagger from the last necromancer I faced with Loki, relatively harmless aside from the blade of course as I had absorbed the power it held previously. "Sure you wanna do this in the house, could get messy."

"I've come too far for it not to," he purred then lunged forward with breathtaking speed.

I arched an eyebrow and just barely dodged the first blade before the close range knife fight began. He was impossibly fast and agile for an old guy, that's for damn sure, his movements fluid, swift, and calculated which was good because if they weren't he'd probably cut me to ribbons on accident. At least I'd hope it's an accident. Several times to say the least he got the drop on me, locking an arm of mine or pinning me somehow while I don't think I ever managed to do more than scratch his clothes with my knives, this is why I preferred my zombies to rage war for me, I might be indestructible but as Loki loved proving, I can still get my ass kicked. Kinda felt like a cat toy to him at that point, because a cat like him would bat those around, play with them, but not actually eat them despite them being catnip flavored food shapes. He couldn't and wouldnt kill me but he loved messing around with me anyway he could and as weird and unhealthy as that sounded, I for some reason was totally cool with the sparring and getting my ass kicked. Several slashes, locked arms, and disarms later I was without either of my knives, pinned against a wall with one knife to my throat and another at my abdomen. Oh and something else from him was poking at me lower than that.

"You know you could've just asked me if I wanted to try s/m with you instead of doing this little dance with death," I mused. "Hell, throw in some leather straps while you're at it, I'm sure you got plenty."

Loki raised an eyebrow at my suggestion. "You like what I'm doing as well, do you?"

"Let's just say if I had a heartbeat, it would be hammering in my chest for reasons other than getting my ass kicked."

Loki smirked. "Don't move. Do you like what you're wearing?"

I snorted. "Wouldn't matter at this point, stopped wearing my good clothes after the second hound attack. Not like I have much of those left."

"Perhaps you should start wearing black despite Hydra's earlier insistence it suits you considering how hard it is to cover up black stains on any other color."

"As practical as that would be, I really don't want to be any more of a goth than I am just with the hair and skin, don't want to even think of what horrible gothy names people will choose for me if they think im part of the hero squad. Tony's weren't bad as I understood those references but not everyone is as imaginative as he is, Hydra proved that. Do you not like what I'm wearing? Is that why you asked?"

"You look good in anything I've seen you wear, however..." In several short swift movements Loki had somehow cut my clothes off me like they were made of butter and they fell to the floor. "I prefer you wearing nothing at all."

"What would you have done if I said I did like my clothes on?" I asked curiously.

Loki just grinned, the dagger he used to cut off my clothes disappearing from his hand. "They would've simply disappeared." He closed the remaining distance between us in one short step.


	15. Cat Eat Dog World

What I wouldn't give to face and fight off dumb bad guys again like when I first started out as a budding necromancer and Cro was siphoning off the weaker ones for me so I wouldn't be overwhelmed. Lance's dogs were getting smarter, somehow they were onto us or maybe they were just running out of time that rather than targeting either my home or my shop, they opted for door number three where both places I loved in the town I loved most were under attack, forcing me and Loki to split up and deal with the issue. Loki, the suddenly protective god that he was, had me stay in the house as I had backup from Lady Catalie there while he assured me he could handle whatever the cause of the chaos was on his own. In the back of my mind I wondered how many other creatures we thought were totally normal pets were actually aliens in disguise as cute, cuddly furballs. Loki had once described Hela's favored pet as a wolf the size of our largest dinosaur times at least two. I wondered how often Hela got to take him on walkies or give him the world's biggest tummy rub, maybe that's why he was so feral in the end, some gods just don't know how to love their furbabies. That's why my hentai flavored feline only wanted cuddles from me and didn't eat me like she did the hellhounds and dog owners, she got everything else going for her. I'd have to ask Loki later how many lives a space kitty has, more or less than the 9 earth kitties have.

"I'm gonna give you to the count of ten to get your ugly, blond, no good keester off my property before I shred you to ribbons with my bare hands," I told the man that destroyed my front door and was attempting to go through any place that he thought would be a secret hiding place in my home. "One, two, ten!" The man spun around and tried to shoot me but ended up shooting the wall as I lunged to the side away from his line of fire and that's when another hellhound came barreling into the house as it had already been blown open for attacks despite however many times Loki had warded it with spells. I narrowly dodged the great beast's advancing before throwing my dagger into its head, yanking out the blade and throwing the thing right at the intruder with all my strength, the weight alone was enough to knock out the dude off his feet and keep him down. "Keep the change, ya filthy animal."

"Stop killing my pets!" a new yet familiar voice barked from the living room.

I walked into the living room, blade disappearing within me though power of the dead still swirling and dancing along my arms and hands. There stood the people I should've known from the start were the real gang leaders this whole time and I suddenly felt hella stupid for not realizing they were the two silhouettes in Peter's recording. "No dogs allowed in my house, that includes you, Davia."

"Whose grave did you rob to get such a nice crib?" she sneered.

"Your mother's for starters," I started. Sometimes I really loved being a necromancer, the dead jokes were endless.

She glared at me and I couldn't help but beam with pride, good, at least she stopped demanding I take her back, the needy bitch. "You could've avoided all this damage if you just came with me."

"Oh sweety, you and I both know you always came first between the two of us, I'd be lucky to come at all with you being such a gluttonous whore," I replied dryly. 

"Really Davia?" the man that had been bugging me all week about ancient alien tech asked beside her. "Even I'm not that selfish."

I snorted at this. "You're better off doing it yourself, man. Oh sure she looks real hot naked but that's all a scam to make you wanna do whatever she wants while you get nothing out of it but eye candy."

"I would've given you more if you gave me that one thing I wanted," she complained.

"Right, like I'm just gonna hand over something that was only meant for me just so I could get laid," I scoffed. "Witch, please."

"We would've been the perfect team then."

"There's no u in team, not even in the British version of the word. Make like Elsa, and let it go, or better yet just go."

"Not till we get what we came here for," Lance interjected.

"Are you sure you came at all with her around?" I asked innocently. "I don't even know what you're really after here but regardless you won't find it here of all places."

"I figured as much, what we're after wouldn't just be lying around but couldn't hurt to look," Lance said before glancing at Davia who snapped her fingers and two more hounds came tearing into the room from either side of me.

"They're your pets, huh? Makes sense now, you never did like pussies as much you claimed," I mused, eying both who were about ready to attack within one big leap from both sides.

"The best of the breed these are, wanna know why I only have the female ones of the litter?" she cooed.

"Because bitches stick together?" I replied dryly.

"Chow time, girls," she snarled, prompting the hounds to lunge in unison.

I ducked, and rolled away from the two beasts that nearly collided with each other as their intended target was the only thing blocking the two from each other. They started after me again but stopped suddenly and started whining before bolting away and I turned to see why they had stopped, Lady Catalie had made an appearance finally and went after the dogs in a very light chase as far as kitties go, getting the dogs away from me finally. "Get used to that sight, Davia, girls running away from you." From another room, I could hear the happless beasts crying and howling and whining before the silence of the hounds ensued.

"Fine then," she snapped, clearly upset she lost more bitches than she could handle. "We'll just take you down ourselves."

"Why am I even the target here?" I asked.

"One of you has it, we just have to bleed it out of you or whoever breaks first," Lance replied vaguely.

"We don't even know what it is you think we have..."

"Don't worry, you might live long enough to find out." That's when things got interesting.

What could've been confused as tentacles shot out of Davia from both sides of her back in long thick, sharpened streams of what could only be her blood. I dove out of the way as best I could as all four of those crimson whips lashed out at me at once, piercing the wall behind me when they missed their intended target. Davia scowled seeing all four extensions of herself didn't do their job and while two of them retracted, the other two twisted back only to lunge forward at me, both aiming for what would've been vitals spots on my anatomy if I was still alive. Regardless of the fact bloody whips wouldn't stop me, I still summoned my ceremonial dagger and deflected and slashed at the two, the death magic infused with the blade causing the blood to stop once cut. The whips dropped to the ground from Davia's body, landing with a spatter as if someone was leaving a steady trail of blood from a gaping wound. Davia's scowl deepened seeing my magic beat hers easily, she always envied me of that.

"Been going through my old hentai sites for inspiration, have you?" I teased with an arched eyebrow.

"Don't tell me you're not into tentacle rape anymore, are you?" she retorted snarkily.

"If I was into it, then it wouldn't be considered tentacle rape because I'd be willing and you can't rape the willing," I replied smugly. "But that's what turned me on about you, your attention to detail."

She shrieked in probably irritation, dead or alive it wasn't hard for me to bug her, made me wonder why she put up with me as long as she did and why she didn't dump me first. Maybe because her desire to control my army of the dead through me overrode her desire to deal with my antics. Relationship goals, that one. "Are you going to just stand there and watch or help me?" she demanded to Lance.

"If I had ten bucks for every time I heard that from you since we met," I mused. "Word of advice, dude, run while you can still feel your legs."

Lance snickered at my comment and gave Davia a bored, unamused look as well. "She's your ex, deal with her yourself, I'm just here for the goods."

"Your dudes, may they feed my cat well, already tried looking for them here, whatever the fuck they are, you really think you'll have better luck?" I asked him.

"I know you personally don't have them and they're not accessible to me now, that much is evident, but I also know I need you to get them one way or another so be a dear and don't make this harder on yourself than it already is." He gave the slightest glance to Davia I almost missed before she lashed out with more bloody tentacles at me.

More tentacles came at me, making it harder to dodge all of them at once as they all lashed out, eight in total strands, whipping and slashing though I noticed only four really went for my weak spots while the other four reached for my limbs. She was catching on it seemed, forcing me to dodge some while the others waited for the right moment to catch me. As I dodged and slashed back at the ones aiming for me, the ones reaching managed to slide through my defenses and slash at my arms and sides quick and precise and deep enough it would take a bit of time to heal even with my death magic involved which I probably didn't have much of with the constant attacks. She withdrew the tentacles suddenly, studying me with narrowed gleaming eyes, seeing even bloody and wounded I was still standing and that's when something seemed to have clicked with her and she smirked, causing me to tense, she was clever when she wanted to be, that much wouldn't change either. "You were always too quick for close range," she mused. That's when things got real messy as rather than red whips, a hailstorm of hardened blood droplets shot out from her wounds like a Gatling gun rapidfire, too fast and hot to dodge all of them as more hit than missed me in my attempt to dive away. Two tentacles slid out from out of nowhere then from below and yanked me off my feet at the same time, weakened by the blood bullets, I went down hard and fast, landing on my back. I barely had time to recover as almost as soon as my spine smacked against the wood floor, I felt myself being dragged forward sharp and swift. Unlike in the movies where the usually woman victim tries to escape and digs her brittle nails against the floor as she's pulled in, I at least was lucky enough to face whatever I was being pulled into, glaring defiantly, still gripping my dagger with a snarl of my own. If I was going down, I was going down fighting, I rule the Valley of Death, I fear no evil.


	16. May The Odds Be In Your Favor

Loki wondered in the back of his mind if Odin had been ripped off when he gave one of his eyes for the price of wisdom. Both Odin and Thor thought Loki despised humanity to its core but Odin was clearly the one that despised humanity most as Thor's first punishment was being banished to Midgard of all realms to choose from. Then there was Odin's first impression from meeting Jane, despite being imprisoned himself, Loki was told later in detail his reaction to a mortal setting foot in Asgard. Loki didn't so much despise humanity, but he did find them annoying and at times a bit boring as well. For instance, they were getting on his nerves with the string of attacks between his new home and his new love and her shop. The ones that attacked him while he manned her shop he also found a bit boring as they were although a bit tedious in ending, they were still an easy fix in the end. He honestly wished he could just torture and slowly kill them himself but rather than risk yet another unnecessary interruption from the most annoying Midgardian yet known as Strange for going against rules he didn't agree to but was forced to follow anyway, he tossed what was left of them to Shield's lap with a message relaying how bad they were and why. Of course, as he was restraining one of the last one's up to be tossed to Shield, that's when that little brat of a magician decided to show up while he was cleaning up the mess and preparing to check on his home after and that was damn near the straw that broke the camel's back for him, he was out for blood then.

"What in Helheim do you want, little mortal?" he snarled.

Strange looked at the god with an expression that could curdle milk straight from a cow's teet. "You've been breaking the rules recently, I've come to fix that."

"Your time as someone that fixes people has long since run it's course, wouldn't you say?" Loki sneered, knowing all about Strange's past and present career. He didn't care how close to home that comment hit, he was sick of these interruptions from that smug bastard and was determined to smack that look off his salt and peppered face.

Of course that was more than enough for the sorcerer to retaliate magically as if forcing him to abide by his rules wasn't enough, golden circles surrounded his fists as he prepared to attack the god that was already having a rough day dealing with weaker mortals he could've easily killed were it not for those stupid rules in place. Loki dropped his attention from hogtying the mortals that attacked him first and prepared to defend himself against the caped crusader. Strange drew back a magically charged fist at him and then promptly froze as did everything and everyone else surrounding Loki except for Loki himself and suddenly a flock of blackbirds that had been perched on a nearby tree throughout all the commotion, decided to one by one swoop down between the two. Once everything settled down, there stood a Chaotic Loki's beloved had nicknamed Cro. The scruffy looking, bearded but definitely built being looked from Loki to the other magical man and frowned at the lesser being.

"Nell wasn't kidding about you being a massive pain in the ass," he muttered. "You should be focusing more on things after your precious little pebble of time and not on people that could easily kick your ass into a dimension you haven't even heard of but has better things to do. Seriously, get a hobby or a better career, you're pissing off beings you can't even comprehend and that's why you're stuck in time as you are right now, you holding us all up including both Loki and Nell when it's convenient for you and only you, so I'm doing that to you. Have fun, enjoy the show of not being in control for once, you egotistical dickmunch.

"Loki, before you ask if this is going to be a recurring thing, no not usually as she likes to do things herself and I'm technically not supposed to interfere unless emergencies but in my own defense I was left unsupervised so I do what I want. Don't worry about the henchmen you rounded up for Shield, I brought Nell's pet for that, Shield doesn't need any handouts from either of you, you've done your time and she owes them and any associated with them nothing. Get to where you need to be and fast but before you go...Strange, you've not been honest with the God of Lies, that's kinda rude and deeply insulting, especially since you think yourself better than the god, what does that make you by lying to him?" Cro smirked wickedly at the man frozen in time before simply tapping him in the chest with one finger and a green blast of energy and magic exploded from where Cro touched and headed straight for Loki.

Loki didn't even have time to react as it struck him and enveloped him in a blinding flash. When the dust settled, green energy sparked, crackled, and danced around him, his eyes glowing maliciously, he felt like the god he was all along for probably the first time in eons. He glanced from Cro to Strange and his gaze went colder than his bloodkin's realm.

"Use that rage and power returned to you on your current target, I've got the Wizard of Oz. Don't give them anything either when you get there, destroy any in your way, you know how it goes," Cro instructed. "Hydra couldn't break her because they're all normal humans on the inside and lack the imagination and power to do so, you aren't dealing with normal humans this time."

Loki took one last look at the one that watched over his beloved and the one that interfered and was gone in a flash of green light.

Cro turned his attention back to the frozen fool in front of him. "You won't interfere with the two of them any longer, any attempt to do so will result in something bigger and badder coming your way to interfere with you planning on doing the same, I do love that little concept you peasants call karma. If that doesn't work however and you still insist in being a pain in the ass, I'll simply wipe your memory of her and Loki altogether, it won't show up anywhere you look, even if someone mentions them to you, you won't know or remember a damned thing and then you'll really feel out of control as your mind will no longer be your strongest weapon. First your hands, then your beliefs, then your mind, everything you worked so hard to build up and strengthen will slip away from you. You should also know, Loki, despite what you might think has been following your stupid childish rules as best he can, he hasn't killed anyone, Nell's pet has been doing most of what you caught onto and you ain't touching Lady Catalie either, I sent her here for a reason, so they'd be protected without blame on themselves. You try anything on a familiar in Salem and all the fancy power pebbles in the world won't save you from the most powerful witches in the western hemisphere. That being said...to-da-loo, mutherfucker!" Cro snapped his fingers and Strange, still frozen, was sucked into a portal right back to Sanctem in NYC. Cro looked at the remaining henchmen Loki left for him and grinned with a mouthful of long, razor sharp teeth. "At least one of you is going to tell me all the gory details of your bosses plans before I eat you myself, whoever spills first and truthfully doesn't get a slow painful death. Happy hunger games!"

"We ain't telling you shit," spat one idiot still conscious and coherent.

"Well then you'll just be my shit," retorted Cro.

What happened next resulted in screams of pain and terror followed closely by sprays of blood and body parts, the others watching in silent fear before all scrambling to spill everything but blood and bits right after.


	17. Green Inferno

Loki's first stop was the house of course, he knew without a doubt that something big and bad happened there and he had a strong feeling it would be gone and over when he got there but he had to see for himself. When he teleported inside, knives out just in case, what he saw first was the final results, the aftermath of what went on in his absence. That of course wasn't enough for him to go on though and through his own magical security system, he was able to see a projection of what happened between his beloved and her assailants. The flerken eating the hellhounds, any and all that even set foot in the house, not just the ones that attacked Nell. The man that showed up too periodically to be a coincidence watching everything from the shadows he literally came from and the ex girlfriend toying and attacking Nell while the two of them verbally sparred. He watched it all playing out worriedly, seeing that the red blood spatter wasn't so much Nell getting a good few rounds in as much as it was intentional bleeding to drown her in it, the blackened blood spatter however, that was concerning as it meant she wasn't healing fast enough and thus weakened from the attack before he watched her being dragged into some kind of void that both attackers happily and willingly hopped into themselves and all three parties vanished from the house.

Loki moved closer to where the void appeared in the house before it disappeared and reached out with his fully restored magic, feeling for any residue left from the void until his magic latched onto something and Loki's eyes narrowed as they glowed green once more. There was so much rage, so much need for vengeance burning inside him and mixing with his magic, he had been utterly helpless when the first woman he ever loved was taken from him, he'd never let that happen again, he promised himself that much. 

Tracking the source of the residue wasn't hard now that his personal arsenal was full again, and Nell's mentor had said he was free to do whatever was necessary in finding her which included but not limited to taking down any in his way which he found refreshing and a little invigorating to say the least. Not that he was a murderous psychopath of course, he was a perfect mannered gentleman and just as civil, but he was also a god, a dark one at that and not remotely merciful either. No one could blame him, even the one God that Captain America believed in was truly peaceful, Loki recalled a story in the Bible where God started off by drowning just about the whole world save for a wooden boat full of animals. These hellish mortals or whatever they were invoked his wrath, what came from that would be completely on them. Loki was swift in disarming his prey which he found plentiful, what villain wasn't complete without a bunch of expandable henchmen anyway? He however wasn't so swift in killing them, oh no, he made them suffer first, he wanted everyone that was part of this tirade to know just what they were dealing with, what they signed up for, and what was coming for them next. No one would be getting out of this alive but him, not on his watch. 

They wanted something old, powerful, and magical from another realm and that is exactly what they would get from him, not from whatever the Hel they thought either of them possessed. The only thing they didn't account for was that by drawing him out like they were by using her, they were getting something not meant to be contained, Strange was a fool for doing that to him. All the relics he kept from Asgard wouldn't do anyone here but himself any good or he wouldn't have brought them, he made damn sure of that. Not even Strange could do anything with the relics when he attempted to confiscate what little he could find and claim as dangerous. Maybe that's what they were after, his power or his cooperation in whatever they already obtained. He would've figured they were after Nell as he had believed she was far more powerful being what she was than he would ever be but if they were really after her the whole time they wouldn't put so much effort in tossing and maiming her around or she'd be too weak to be much use. No, this definitely wasn't about her despite her ex making out like it was this whole time, this was about him. They were drawn to his magic, his space relics, maybe even his own power and Cro did say not to give them anything which all but confirmed they needed him for whatever they were after. They only needed Nell as a means of getting to him one way or another, either by taking her out of the equation or making her the solution to his attention. The answer was obvious, she couldn't be killed, Cro and the Order wouldn't allow it, so there was no way they could keep her out of the way even if they tried, and the ex girlfriend kept begging her to join which meant death wasn't the answer either. 

She was bait, bait or a sacrifice if they were being that traditional. She had to be livid if she was still coherent, she hated being bait. All the more reason to speed things along and get to her as soon as possible. Loki disemboweled another henchmen before he heard the now familiar sound of angry hounds charging at him, at that point he had to admit he was becoming disillusioned about being a dog person, which was saying something for someone that supposedly was a father of a great wolf and a master of illusions himself.


	18. Bleed For the Ancient Gods

"You realize for this to work, I'd have to be a virgin, right? And we both know that I'm the farthest thing from that," I muttered from where I was pinned and strapped to standing wooden slab in the center of a ritualistic symbol of some kind.

"That was the case in the old days, but the times they are a-changin'" replied Lance as he shoved another jagged, ornate dagger into me. "Even the old ones can accept those are harder to come by willing or not than a blue moon." He cupped my chin to look me in the eyes as my head was otherwise against my chin, too weak to hold it up. Not however too weak to sass him back to the hell he came from.

"There's still a bit of a flaw in your plan that I'm sure Davia already figured out when she failed to override me before you did this," I pointed out.

Lance snorted and raised an eyebrow at me in disbelief. "Davia is another issue entirely but she'll recover from that glitch in her part of the plan. I still have everything I need to make your life a living hell while you're here."

"Ah see, that's where you're laughably wrong, for that to work and no matter what being you're calling forth, you need me to be one thing I will never ever be."

"A sacrifice?"

"Alive, asshat," I spat. 

He stopped his little ritual of bleeding me out into the carved in symbols surrounding me on the slab and glared at the blatant jab but didn't say anything in retaliation.

"That's why she failed, that's why she wanted me so badly in the beginning, she can only control the living but not the queen of the dead. What self respecting god wants a slowly rotting corpse though?"

"The dead don't bleed though, how do you explain that?"

I cackled, well started to but was also choking on blood from the knives still stuck in my gut and chest. "They totally do! Clearly you've never poked dead things as a kid and it shows, the fluids of a corpse don't just suddenly dry up or all spill out the second your heart stops, hell zombies are constantly dripping with something out of their many post mortem wounds in the movies." I smirked as I was able to look him in the eyes and that's when I saw him for what he really was this whole time and felt even stupider for missing that before. "Speaking of dead bodies, how's that meat suit fitting you?"

He blinked and scowled at me for calling him out so easily before swiftly recovering with a smirk of his own. "Took you long enough, Davia said you had power over the dead yet I feel no pull with you aside from wanting to dominate you completely."

"Nice to know you two have something else in common then, I'd imagine the relationship would get kinda awkward if it was just the one thing where you're after something old, powerful and spacey. You misunderstand what my power actually is then, if that was actually your body then I'd be the one with the crop and the black leather corset and you'd be the one strapped down and covered in marks with a ballgag just for funsies."

"A ball gag? Really? You wouldn't put my mouth to work?" he teased.

"I already have my man for pleasure, with you it's all about pain but if you don't like ball gags, might I interest you in a medieval torture device called the pear of anguish?"

"That's cute you're attempting to unnerve me when you're the one strapped down and bleeding out."

"I don't need to breathe so bleeding out won't kill me nor will my blood help in summoning whatever it is you're after, it's about as appealing to the higher ups as menstrual blood. I'm not attempting anything, just making light of a situation that's a bit of a drag at the moment. Where is Davia speaking of dead weights?"

"Miss her already?"

"Like a bitch misses a flea."

"She's gathering my relics to complete the ritual, needed to prove herself useful since she couldn't just make you bend over for us like she hoped."

I snickered despite being in a predicament myself. "Always seemed to bite off more than she could swallow. Seems to be contagious though since you're right up there with her."

"How do you figure that?"

"You're out of hellhounds for one, offering a corpse to something likely able to wipe you out of existence for such an insult. I mean you're pissing off not just me but other beings that are so done with you right now, is that what you want? This seems like a cry for attention, did Daddy demon not give you enough hellfire as a spawn?"

His grip on my chin dropped to my throat and his eyes shifted from their seductive light blue to an unhealthy red and orange of a demon. He shoved the blade halfway in my gut already all the way in till the hilt was digging into my flesh and more blood bubbled out of my mouth instead of mockery and sass. "Right now you're the one pissing off something that could crush you into ash and scatter you to the wind." He let go of me and stepped out of the giant symbol surrounding me as Davia entered the room with a handful of relics that pulsated with dark magics. She glanced at me almost worriedly seeing me quiet and bloody for once.

"What are you?" she demanded then as she handed the relics to Lance.

I just gave her a blackened bloody grin as an answer, sometimes silence is scarier than the truth. That's when the screams started, coming from the hallways outside the room we were in, sounds of gunshots, the smell of fear and blood, bones breaking and a familiar tingle in the air I recognized instantly yet noticed was somehow stronger than I remembered. "One, two, Loki's coming for you, three, four, better seal the doors, five, six, he's the master of tricks, seven, eight, he'll never take the bait, nine, ten, you'll never rise again." Of course this was all sung like a child's nursery rhyme for obvious reasons. 

While Lance melted into slithering shadows and disappeared from sight, Davia actually looked scared as the screams stopped and the sound of bodies being tossed to the floor followed. For a moment there was complete and utter silence before Davia herself was suddenly grabbed from behind and sucked into a void that vanished as soon as it swallowed her. It the place where the void was, stood Loki in all his green and gold glory, magic dancing around and shielding him completely as he looked around the room for any other obstacle before setting his sights on me. He took one step toward me then stopped just short of the symbols and looked around again.

"You're wasting my time hiding, just as you are offering me someone I've already claimed before you went and ruined her," he snarled.

"I'm not hiding so much as not giving you a form to toss into whatever dimension you opened with Davia," Lance stated from the shadows.

"That's like saying you're not running away, just putting as much distance between you and the opponent as possible," I mused.

Of course that's all it took for him to become solid beside me except he was no longer human looking, his demon-ness was corrupting the meat suit as his hands were now more long sharp talons and his skin was sizzling with hellfire and no longer suntanned but becoming an ashen gray almost. "If she's yours then come and get her."

"And step into your carefully prepared bloody trap powered by things from home?" Loki countered. "Did you miss a part of that delightful song of hers about me being the master of tricks?"

"You came to us for her, that part seemed to work and that's the part that matters," countered Lance.

"I came to collect what's mine, which includes her, the relics you stole from me and the people of Asgard respectively, and vengeance for your thievery and brutality."

"Then by all means make your move and collect all that, no one's stopping you," challenged Lance before he shoved another half out dagger all the way into me just to piss Loki off more.

The place felt damn near electric with his magic and power but rather than stepping into the symbol to reach me or attack Lance, Loki aimed his power at the ceiling with a sweep of his hand and plaster and wood fell with the impact, forcing Lance to step back to avoid the pieces as well as disrupting the demonically charged symbol, allowing him to teleport in front of me and set his sights on Lance. That's when he initiated mitosis and split into copies of himself, one to guard me, one to take on Lance himself, and one to actively attend to me personally. What surprised me most of this trick was that none of them were illusions like they usually were, Loki was landing solid attacks on Lance while the one on me cupped my face gently before unstrapping my limbs, whispering an apology, and yanking out the daggers pinning me like a bug in a display case. They were also keeping me up as the second the last one was pulled, I fell forward, the dark energy fused with the blade keeping me from healing myself at all and eating at my own energy. Loki caught me before I tumbled to the floor and scooped me up in his arms. He then teleported us out of the trap while simultaneously creating an illusion of us still being there, his doppelganger stepping back into it as well, fooling lance into thinking he had the upper hand who summoned one of the daggers previously in me and lunged at the Loki illusion, the dagger going into his throat. The illusion fell away to reveal that he had in fact trapped Davia in his place under the illusion and Lance had effectively killed her instead as she crumbled, gurgling as she died. This only pissed off Lance more and he wildly slashed at the the Loki that was guarding me who disappeared before Lance's blade could touch him. He then spun around to slash at the Loki he was fighting before but that Loki disappeared as well for a solid second before reappearing right as Lance looked away from that spot to seek him out elsewhere and before Lance could strike again, Loki thrust a dagger of his own made of ice and magic straight into Lance's gut. He didn't waste a second more as he pulled it out and thrust it into another soft spot and another swift and deep till Lance dropped to Loki's feet at which point his skull was stomped and crushed with a solid heel drop. Loki then swept his hand and another hungry void ate Lance and shut after. Only then did curbstomping Loki vanish and it was just my Loki in the room with me. He held me tightly before teleporting us back to our house that looked like it hadn't been repeatedly attacked by hellhounds and ex girlfriends moments ago. He laid me down on the couch carefully and ripped open my shirt that was already ruined between the blood and the holes from multiple blades.

"Why aren't you healing?" he murmured worriedly.

"The damned...it corrupts all things, living and dead," I replied weakly. "Sorry I bled on your shiny armor."

Loki chuckled. "It'll come off in the wash, just worry about it staying in you."

"You feel different," I noted.

"I'm whole again, I didn't even realize it till it happened. How bad is this? Even in full power, I can't seem to heal you. What can I do?"

"Stop worrying," I rasped. "I'm already dead, what's the worst that can happen?"

"Famous last words for a lot of mortals I'd imagine that is."

"Good thing I'm not mortal then, if anything my last words would probably be 'it seemed like a good idea at the time.'"

"You're certain this will pass, you're not going to wither away or whatever Horsemen do when they're too weak to go on?"

"I might be bleeding everywhere and incapable of moving anything below the neck but did you just call me weak?"

"What would you call it then?"

"A slow recovery period followed by kicking your ass for calling me weak."

Loki seemed to take the sassing as a good sign I wasn't out for the count entirely and relaxed a bit. "Has this happened before?"

"I mean this isn't the first time you found me bound and immobile but thankfully as evil as Hydra was, they weren't demonic at the core of it...just batshit crazy. I'll eventually bounce back, just dunk me in salt water like Peter did to get all the bad out of my wounds and I'll manage."

"That's really all it takes with you, salt water?"

"Well I mean, if it was scented salts, that would be magical but taking me to the Dead Sea for an impromptu but much needed vacation would work just as well as bath salts, candles and a bottle of Moscato."

Loki arched an eyebrow at the last suggestion but all the same teleported me to the bathroom, evaporating the clothes off me before laying me in hot rose scented salt water. There was a long moment of silence between us as he watched the water start to turn black with my blood, my eyes fluttering closed as the salt cleansed the wounds then slowly opened once they started to heal and I grinned back at Loki who relaxed completely seeing me start to look what would pass as normal for me, being dead and all.

"It broke my heart seeing you back there like you were," he murmured. "I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't bring you back."

"Um...you can't considering you're not the necromancer here, sorry to disappoint."

He scowled though there was no heat behind it. "You know what I meant, I don't care how many times you say you can't die, seeing you like that...you might be immortal but you aren't unbreakable."

I shrugged, stirring the water around me. "Minor details...so how'd you find out you weren't a whole in one?"

"Your mentor paid me a visit..."

I attempted to sit up a bit in the tub curiously. "He showed up? You finally considering the idea of a threesome?"

His response was splashing water at my face which I only returned in the form of a fountain spout. "Tony Stark's magical doppelganger attempted to stop me before I came after you, your mentor stopped him first and tore the missing piece of me from Strange I didn't even realize was missing."

"You're telling me that he essentially completed you and you still won't give him a shot? Damn dude, there's no pleasing some gods."

"Even if he were my type, I was too filled with blood lust to think of any other kinds from finding out just how much has been stolen from me so easily."

"You're just too cute when you get all possessive like that."

He rolled his eyes at me and shook his head in bemusement. "I'm glad you're enjoying all this."

"Why wouldn't I be? The house is in one piece, I have one less ex to haunt me, no more bad dogs wrecking the place either, and you looked smokin' hot kicking ass and taking lives."

"Only for you, my love," he purred, cradling my water soaked head and leaning down to kiss me. "Any more desperate exes for me to slaughter?"

"Nah, I learned my lesson after her, stay unattached or choose the right ones to attach to. Dare I ask if there's any on your side?"

"There's one that's a lot like Davia, power hungry, dangerous, but a natural blonde named Amora, she's long since been banished I know not where with no chance of a comeback."

"Wasn't your adoptive sister banished though?"

"You think it will crumble, the banishment because the one that commanded it is dead I assume? It wasn't just Odin that time, myself and my mother took part so she's sealed till I die at least."

"Aren't you lucky," I muttered.

"It's pronounced Loki actually," he quipped with a smirk.

My response was splashing him with bath water. He shook it off like a dog and magically became dry again. "Any plans now that you're complete again?"

"Well I've been offered this marvelous sacrifice just waiting for me all prepped and salted to my liking, would be a shame to let that go to waste."

"Really? I mean that seems a bit old fashioned, even for one as old as you are," I teased.

"It would be old fashioned if they were also a virgin but you'll find I like my offerings to be a bit more seasoned than fresh and wholesome." He pounced on me and suddenly I was no longer in the tub but on our massive bed and he was no longer wearing his battle armor, just his lounge attire while I was still wearing only my birthday suit.

"So what exactly does being your offering entail...traditionally?" I asked curiously.

He prowled over to the bed, crawling over me with arms on either side of my head with a predatory gleam in his eyes which dimmed the slightest at my question. "I think you'll find it means you're mine in every way I want but also under my protection and intimately connected to me."

"You don't need to protect me."

"Don't I?" he challenged. "You needed me when you were being used like a pin cushion back there."

"They couldn't kill me if you hadn't have come then, just tear me apart till they got bored most likely while waiting for you, nothing I can't handle."

He chuckled darkly, stealing a kiss from me with a smirk. "Your lips taste of lies when your body speaks the truth."

"And what truth is that?"

"We need each other no matter how strong we both are or how powerful we become. Without life, there can be no death." As two bodies merged and moved as one, magic and power clashed and mingled, the surge of the two mixing caused every light in the house to explode while all the witches of Salem suddenly obtained a boost of power themselves, both the dark and the light, even those outside of Salem that harnessed magic could feel the shift and surge although fainter and farther out of reach. And then there was the ones that possessed the infinity stones, Vision and Strange despite being cut off completely from the ones he was previously charged with policing, that felt it in the stones themselves and stirred inside them even after the most powerful demi gods of Midgard settled after a long night of flesh and blood.


End file.
